I Thought I Needed More Discipline. Turns Out I Needed a Different Life.

A few years ago, I was working with a coach who asked me a simple question:

“What are your goals?”

Easy.

I told her:

• Grow my business.

• Lose some weight.

• Feel better.

Then she asked a follow-up question that completely stopped me in my tracks.

“What do you think you need in order to make that happen?”

Without hesitation, I answered:

More discipline.

More consistency.

Better habits.

Basically, I needed to become a superhero.

Like bitten-by-a-radioactive-spider levels of transformation.

Because back then I genuinely believed that if I wanted results, I had to work my fingers to the bone.

If I wasn’t struggling, was it even working?

If the results came easily, did they even count?

The Badge of Busy

So I became really good at working hard.

I worked out for two hours because anything less “didn’t count.”

I tracked my food within an inch of its life.

I took client calls at all hours.

I rarely took a full day off without guilt tagging along.

I wore busy like a badge I earned.

Rest made me uncomfortable.

And eventually the grind starts feeling like a side hustle you can never clock out of.

Before you know it, your whole life becomes one giant self-improvement project.

There’s always something to fix.

Something to optimize.

Something to improve.

Something to work on.

You spend so much time trying to become a better version of yourself that you forget to enjoy being yourself.

The Move That Changed the Question

I’ve been saying “Flip Flop Life” for years.

But I don’t think I fully understood what I meant until I started preparing for our move to Florida.

Florida moves a little slower.

Not in a lazy way.

In a “what’s the rush?” way.

And somewhere between unpacking boxes and staring at kitchen cabinets wondering where the heck everything should go, I caught myself asking a question I’d been avoiding for years:

Is this the life I actually want?

Not the life that looks successful.

Not the life that gets approval.

Not the life that checks all the boxes.

The life I actually want.

Because for a long time, I confused grinding with meaning.

If I was busy, I felt productive.

If I was tired, I felt accomplished.

If I was exhausted, I felt like I must be doing something right.

But being exhausted isn’t proof you’re doing life right.

It’s just proof you’re exhausted.

The Four Ways We Get Stuck

Here’s what I’ve learned from years of coaching women and, if I’m being honest, from being every one of these women myself.

The Woman Running on Fumes

She’s tired all the time.

She tells everyone she’s fine.

She’s carrying more than anyone realizes.

And she’s convinced she’ll rest once she gets caught up.

The problem?

Caught up never comes.

The Woman Who Forgot How to Have Fun

Everything has a purpose.

Everything has a goal.

Everything has to be productive.

She can’t remember the last time she did something simply because it sounded fun.

Not because it burned calories.

Not because it improved her résumé.

Not because it was useful.

Just because she wanted to.

The Woman Who Feels Disconnected

She’s surrounded by people.

She’s active online.

She comments. Likes. Responds.

But she still feels lonely.

Because connection isn’t the same thing as contact.

And somewhere along the way, real-life relationships got replaced by notifications.

The Woman Waiting for Someday

She dreams about traveling.

Starting something new.

Making a change.

Taking the class.

Trying the thing.

But instead of living it, she’s researching it.

Planning it.

Thinking about it.

Preparing for it.

Waiting until she feels ready.

The Truth I Keep Coming Back To

Most of us aren’t just one of these women.

We bounce between them.

Sometimes depending on the season.

Sometimes depending on the week.

Sometimes depending on the day.

I’ve been every single one.

I’ve been the woman who got up at 5 a.m. to work out before a beach day with my husband.

Not because I wanted to.

Because I felt like I hadn’t earned the fun yet.

I’ve been the woman who ran herself into the ground and called it dedication.

I’ve been the woman who looked up after COVID and realized I’d become a full-on hermit.

And I’ve definitely been the woman who spent way too much time overthinking where to put sweaters in a closet instead of just making a decision and moving on.

What I’ve learned is that the answer isn’t becoming more disciplined.

It’s becoming more honest.

More honest about what you need.

More honest about what isn’t working.

More honest about the life you’re actually trying to create.

Because the goal isn’t to build the most productive life possible.

The goal is to build a life you actually want to wake up to.

So Which One Are You?

If any part of this felt familiar, I created a quick quiz to help you figure out where you might be stuck right now.

Are you running on fumes?

Have you forgotten how to have fun?

Feeling disconnected?

Or stuck waiting for someday?

Take the free quiz and find out.

You might discover that the answer isn’t more discipline after all.

It might be permission to live a little differently.