Today’s topic is going to be a little let’s say triggering. The topic is all about moderation, and it is finding your sweet spot. And I know for a lot of people that’s the goal, the hope. They want to get to that golden zone; they want to get to that magical place where unicorns are flying around and there’s glitter and so forth. But for some people, they’re like, “Moderation is not for everyone. I’ve tried to get to moderation and somehow I find a way to fuck it up and then I’m back to that binge-restrict cycle, I’m back to my rules, and I got to keep my rules because my rules keep me safe.”

I live here in Boston; I have a really good friend who is a marathon coach. He coaches several teams to run the marathon from “you just decided you want to run a marathon” to “you’ve been running a marathon for as long as you can run a marathon”. I asked him – at the time I worked at the last mile of the marathon – I said, “John, how is it that these elite runners who have just run 25 miles and they’re sprinting, they are running like they’ve just started down the street'” I said, “How do they do it'” And he said, “It takes a bit, but they find their sweet spot, they find that pace that they can just do, it’s just, “I can run at this pace all day long.” And then when they get to roughly six miles out, which kind of makes me gag, six miles out someone is going to look at each other and they’re going to say, “We’re going to sprint this last X number of miles.” The idea of me sprinting, that’s what I do when I see the meter maid at my car, that’s my idea of sprinting. 

Rub The Lamp

If we think about our health and our fitness as a marathon, it’s a long journey, it’s not a sprint. And how do you get to that sweet spot’ How do you get to that golden zone’ How do you become your own magical unicorn’ Because I believe that everyone has a little magic in them, and it just takes a little bit of time to find it. I’m going to call this a fable, but correct me if I’m wrong, Aladdin, in that story a guy finds this old tarnished lamp, it looks like crap, people are picking over it and he’s like, “I think this is beautiful.” He rubs it, a genie comes out and all is changed in his world. That’s where I want you to think about. I want you to think about you’re that lamp. You’ve overlooked yourself for all these years. You’ve put yourself on the back burner. Now, here’s where we are going to start to rub that lamp, make it get pretty, make it get beautiful.

Put those eye-rolls on the shelf and let me tell you my story.

I struggled with this whole moderation thing. I was like, “Girl, that is just not for me, that’s for other people. But thank you for sharing that’s possible.” And I know that a few of you are like that. I felt that if I wasn’t following a plan or following a program to the T, I couldn’t live. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t trust myself not to look at, “What should I do today’ What’s on the good food list’ What’s on the bad food list'” I couldn’t trust myself, and the plan made me trust myself, the plan kept me safe. The plan kept me from running around like a sailor on shore leave.

The Yin And Yang of Moderation

I want you to think that it’s about finding that yin and that yang. If you think about the old school scales where you put something on one side and the other side goes up, and then you have to kind of fool around with how many marbles you take off and put back on so that it comes into balance. I know some of you will be like, “There’s no such thing as balance.”

I do believe there is balance, but balance looks different for every single person. There are some days that you are going to be running around like a chicken with your head cut off and there are going to be other days you’re going to be Netflix and chilling. You know that rhythm, and that’s what moderation is, it’s finding your rhythm, it’s finding your balance so that you’re not brought down to your knees because of a holiday and you lose your stuff and you can’t find a way to get back on track. Balance and moderation is not having these hard-fast rules that you can’t live up to day in and day out, and when you do open the lid it’s like champagne flowing out. I want you to think about that, how do you get a little bit of that self-trust back in’

One of the ways I started to find my moderation and kind of keep my A++ personality in check is I start with a weekly plan and it’s me sitting down every single Sunday and saying, “What does my week look like'” And us ladies of a certain age, most times stuff doesn’t just pop up, we know what we’re doing. There might be a vague something, but it’s penciled in, you kind of know what’s going to happen. It’s rare that someone is going to call you on a Tuesday and be like, “Let’s go out for drinks at [5:00]”, because for most us, once you get home and your bra comes off you’re not going back out, let’s just be honest about that. I want you to think about creating that weekly plan, and you’re sitting down and you’re looking at your calendar and you’re saying, “This is when I’m going to work out” realistically. I’m not asking anyone to work out seven days a week, that’s not what I’m asking. I’m saying my commitment to myself is I am going to work out at least three times, and I know I can do that. Usually I work out four/five times, but I know I can minimally hit three and definitely hit four, and five is my stretch goal. I want you to think about that. When I put down my week, it’s my good, better, my best, and so I want you to put down something that you know you can nail, because as you’re starting to get in the moderation groove you want to have these small wins, and small wins keep you wanting to do stuff, don’t they’ 

Reverse engineering your success

Or if you have a schedule that isn’t as stable as mine you can definitely start with a 24-hour plan. You sit down and you say, “It’s Tuesday, what does tomorrow look like’ Can I fit in a work out’ What does my food look like'” And just map it out. Maybe it starts with, “This is when I’m going to bed” and then you map it backwards. Or you put in the commitments that you have that day and then you fit your food and your work out around those particular commitments. And as I’ve said, I’ve come up with these non-negotiables, and that way I honor myself. Because if you think about it, we as women honor everybody else before ourselves. We’ll run kids to XYZ activity, birthday party, try out, whatever, we will contort ourselves to get them there on time. We’ll contort ourselves for our spouses, we’ll contort ourselves for our family, but when it comes to us, “I’m being selfish” or “Tomorrow” or “Next week”, and we always find a way to put ourselves in the backseat. So, this helps me to put myself in the driver’s seat, and I’m come up with three non-negotiables, and it helps me to say it’s okay for me to have Kim-time, and so this is me giving you permission you have you-time. 

The Law of 3

It’s three simple things that I know I can commit to week in and week out.

1. I work out at least three times a week. When I say work out that’s not me going to the gym and banging out for multiple hours, that’s me having 30 minutes. It could be anything, it could be going for a walk, it could be doing something in my home gym, it could be actually taking a class. But it’s three times for at least 30 minutes I have to move my body in a week.
2. I have a big ass salad with some protein item, and that way I can get a ton of veggies in. I know that I’m getting my veggies, I’m getting my fiber, and I like salads, and I know that I can go anywhere on the planet and get a salad.
3. My sleep because I know that when I don’t sleep, I am hungry and a bit of a bitch. That’s a simple way to test – I want you to track your sleep for a week, and when you track your sleep and you get less than seven hours of sleep I want to know at what point do you start getting those sugar, caffeine cravings to give you that extra bump to get you through the day. Because I know when I get less than six hours of sleep, me and my coffee makers are BFFs. I’m like, “Bring on the coffee.” And at 4:00 I’m like, “Hmm, what sugary treat could I have'” And let me tell you, it’s not me reaching for the cotton candy grapes. That’s why I know I prioritize my sleep. So, I want you to think about does that same scenario play through for you’

This was me changing three habits, just three. And I know everyone wants to change… “But I have “this many” habits that I need to change, and I need to change them right now.” Here is where you change that thinking, I want you to think about your bare minimum, it starts a good habit. Once you have good habits then you can build a routine. Once you have a great routine, you can build consistency, and it’s the consistency that gives you results. A lot of times I talk to my clients, they’re like, “Ugh, I ‘m not getting any results.” And they’re complaining and ask the question because WHY. It’s because “You don’t have consistency.” And they’re like, “But…” and they give me the litany of excuses, and I was like, “Let’s go back to habits, give me three habits that you would love to either create or break.”

Because it’s the habit that drives the routine, and it’s our routines that we work on autopilot. Think about it. Think about your routine of washing your face and brushing your teeth. What do you do first’ Do you brush your teeth first, or do you wash your face’ That’s a habit, that’s a routine, you just do it over and over again. When you have coffee in the morning, do you put in the cream before the sugar, or do you put the sugar in before the cream’ It’s what you do. So, I want you to really think about where can we create some great habits that can turn into some amazing routines that can turn into that consistency that can turn into results’

Patience breeds success

Results and consistency take time. It’s slow, I know. It’s slow. But I want you to think about the Grand Canyon. That giant ravine, I don’t know how many miles long it is, Google that, but that didn’t happen overnight. That was years and years of the river carving through rocks. That is how change happens; it happens over time. I know we all want change to be some type of action movie where I walk through a door and boom, bang, everything happens. No, my queens, not at all. It is a slow thing. And so, when I break things down into small bite-size chunks, you know how I am, I really like to check things off the box. So, the more I can give myself these mini goals, the more checkboxes I can have and the happier I am because it looks like I’m on my way somewhere. But when I’m always looking that I have to lose a thousand pounds, I have to lose 40 dress sizes, that’s a long freaking way.

Pace yourself

I started this show about marathons, and one of the things the marathon coach told me is that they take it a mile at a time. They’re like, “How do I do that mile’ How do I do that mile'” And they’re checking their watches to see, “What was my pace'” They’re checking in, “What’s my hydration'” They’re always checking in. And that’s what I want you to do, as you start going through your goal, what are the milestones’ Because that’s how you get to moderation, is that you’re checking in with yourself, seeing how things are going, and if things are going well, you’re like, “Yes, things are going good. I can continue down this path” and start to feel the groove, start to feel like this is what it feels like and feel amazing. Because so many of us, we’ve been dieting for so long we don’t know what it’s like just to be. And when you let the reigns off… I know that many of you feel like, “Aw snap. If I let the reigns off there’s no getting this horse back in that barn, because once I get a taste of something, I am free, I’m free.” But what if that wasn’t the case, what if that was just a story you told yourself’ What if someone did leave the barn door open and you just went out and you just graze and you felt okay, and when you were tired of grazing you went back in the barn and you went to sleep’ That’s possible. 

Why do we have to have in our mind the worst possible case’ “If I do not have it planned, if I don’t have any rules, I should just pull up to the old country buffet with some maternity pants on and just let it go down.” But what if instead you’re like, “You know what, I’m just going to eat till I’m full”, even if that means leaving some things on your plate. And I know that when I was a kid we didn’t need to clean our plates. I’m grateful to my mother for this. When she was a kid, she was raised you had to clean your plate. She would say she wasn’t hungry. She was raised in that family that took your plate and put it in the refrigerator and you ate it until you finished, and that was before the microwave, so it was cold. She decided that is not how I will raise my kids. So, I’ve never been someone who has been a member of the clean plate club. As soon as I’m done, I stop eating, as soon as I was full, I stop eating. I didn’t want to push food into my mouth. Some people say to me, “I don’t know when I’m full. If it’s in front of me I’m eating it till it’s done.” Here is where you need to start taking breaks when you are eating so that you can check in with yourself and ask are you hungry are you full’

Split Your Meal With Yourself

What I encourage my clients to do is eat half their meal, whatever you’re eating, eat half of it. And take a pause for two three minutes and just tune in and check in because the travel time up your nervous system between your tummy and your head, there is a little delay. Have you ever been on a Skype call or a Facebook call and you’re talking and then they just freeze and then you wait and then they catch up’ That’s how your brain is to your stomach. So, just take two/three minutes, check in, ask your question, “Am I full'” “Am I not full'” And it’s not wasteful – if you’re at a restaurant, doggy bag; if you’re at home, have it later, split up your meal in two. Maybe you had a bigger portion than you were hungry for that particular day. I hope that you’re picking up what I’m putting down here, because one of the ways I was able to break free of this whole perfectionism or the fact that my meal plan called to eat X number of carbs and X number of fats. I just had to break away and I had to start asking myself better questions. And one of the questions I asked myself was, “Was my quest for perfection costing me’ What was it costing me, this ‘I had to follow the plan to the T” What was it costing me'” And then was it pushing me further from my goal, because when I got frustrated, I would sabotage’ And was I using diet and exercise to control my life because I had things in my life that weren’t controllable’ 

Again, I told you I was type A++, and at the time, at the height of my diet mania I had a really hectic job and I had things that I couldn’t control. I had a hectic and chaotic boss, and so I couldn’t control that, but I could control food. And I see it play out sometimes with my clients. One of my clients, she is a new mom, she runs a business, trying to be a good wife, trying to be a good mom, rock her business, and she is literally picking her body apart because that’s the only thing she feels like she has control over. She hasn’t found her rhythm yet in this whole mommy hood. And one of the things I told her is that, “You have to take this giant step back and figure out what is your new life with your little nugget. How does your nugget play into everything else that you’re trying to do’ Because you might need to stop doing some things just because you have to take care of your kid. You might have to delegate some things because you have a kid now, and so maybe that free time that you had is now you’re being a mommy and then being okay and comfortable with that’s what has to happen.” So, that part of moderation comes with you doing an internal look to see are you trying to take on too much to prove to yourself “I can do it. I am woman, hear me roar”‘ Because if you’re burning yourself out, who’s going to hear you roar’ Or they’re going to hear you scream when you pass out on the floor. 

Do You Have Realistic Restrictions

I want you to really focus in on, “With the restrictions that I’m setting up for myself, is that creating a life that I can live in the long-term'” And if you can’t live that life long-term or you always find yourself cheating on said “plan” This client she’s always like, “This is what I’m doing this week.” I’m like, “Great, let’s do it.” And then the following week I’m like, “Hey, how did we do'” And she’s like, “Well, it was a really rough week, so the wine and the chocolate came out.” And that right there, I tell her, “The wine and the chocolate is your response to stress. And so, every time that wine and chocolate comes out, you have to look at what’s causing the wine and chocolate to come out.” If that sounds like you, it’s time for you to really evaluate what you’re doing in your life that needs to change, because if you want to see a change in your body and you keep reaching for wine and chocolate, moderation is going to be like pfft, it’s pretty much like traveling to Mars for you. And I don’t want that, I want moderation to be maybe for some of you driving across the country, some of you, traveling across town. Maybe some of you are already there or you are on the town line and you just need to make a few tweaks and you can stay in that magical golden zone. In order for me to get through to moderation I had to break up those rules. I had to break up those rules and start really listening to my body. I had to stop saying, “I needed to have X number of meals a day” and really just trust and eat how I felt. Now, I know that that takes time, and again, remember I said this is a marathon, not a sprint.

When it comes to food, one of my biggest breakthroughs when it comes to the moderation for food is that I had to balance satisfying versus satiating. Satisfying is up here – my brain sees something on my plate and it’s like, “Yeah, get in my belly.” And when I eat it, if I’m full, I feel fullness, that’s satiation. That’s all the blood vessels in the center of my stomach saying, “Alright girl, we’re full.” But I also have to have it up here, because if my brain looks at something on the plate and is like, “I’m not feeling this”, I’m going to be a bottomless pit. And so, I want you to think about how many foods are you eating that gives you that visual, that brain candy if you will’ And how many foods are you eating because it’s on the good food list’ And so that’s where I want you to really kind of tune into your body that says eating chicken, broccoli and brown rice, is it satisfying in your brain, or is it satisfying in your gut’ What’s happening’ Pay attention to that, because that’s when you really start to honor yourself and you start to eat differently and eat better foods that will keep you fuller longer. And the goal is to stay fuller longer so that I’m not constantly in seek mode, because usually when I get into that seek mode, I’m seeking foods that I really know that aren’t good for me. I’m going for the quick fixes of the junk food so that it’s, “How quickly can I get another dopamine hit up here in my brain for something that is satisfying versus satiating'”

Work Your Workouts

And then workouts – “I want to work out for at least 30 minutes.” Yes, 30 minutes! I know that it’s kind of scary to step away from those two-hour workouts, because trust me, I was that girl. I remember going to the gym with my husband and we would always walk in together, we would say, “How much time do you need'” For me, a good workout was 90 minutes.
If I couldn’t get a 90 minute-ish workout, and if he had to leave early, I remember I would be so mad, like how can we not work out for 90 minutes, seriously’ And I was just like, “Okay”, and meanwhile on the inside I’m like, “I’m mad. This workout should be 90 minutes or why do it.” If I had less than 60 minutes my mindset was, “I have no time to come back to the gym to finish my workout.” Fast forward to today, like, “Oh, sweet Jesus, how much time did I spend at the gym'” Now I’ve become way more efficient with my workouts that in literally 30 to 45 minutes I can kick my own booty and feel sore. So, I want you to really look at what you’re doing for your workout, and is it more of a mental thing than a physical thing’ Because, trust me, there are some crazy kick your booty workouts that can be done in 30 minutes. And so, for those of you guys who one of the reasons why you’re not able to find moderation, you’re not able to find the consistency,

especially when it comes to workout is because you think a workout has to be this marathon session at the gym, holla at your girl, because I can help you out.

On my Instagram I do every Friday a fat burning Friday (#fatburningfridday) and it’s probably no more than five exercises that are done either for time, done for rounds, and its body weight exercises or requires very little to no equipment. And it’s things you can do at home, so if you’re someone who is like, “I don’t have a gym membership or want to have a gym membership”, or maybe you have kids, you want to work out at home, it’s really simple. 

I have a good friend, Kerri, she has a two-year-old, and she sits him over in the corner and he’s playing with blocks or coloring and she pulls out a10-15-minute workout. And sometimes it’s a couple minutes during the day or sometimes it’s just 15 minutes, wherever her son’s tolerance is at that particular day. So, I really want you to start thinking about rounding out what does that type of moderation look like to you. But the big take away that I want you to take from this session is one, be flexible. Be flexible but be committed and finding time. Commit to yourself just like you commit to other people.

The post The Food Moderation Mystery Revealed appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

I was thinking about who am I to come up with a manifesto’ I came up with a manifesto because I was like, “How do I want to live my life'” And that’s where I want you to think about yourself. If you were starting a business you’d be like, “What kind of business do I want to start'” And then you would say, The business is going to sell magic beans and the beans are going to come in these wonderful containers, and then the wall colors are going to be this color, and then when people come in this door we’re going to greet them in such a way.” You plan a kid’s birthday party, you plan anyone’s party, you figure out all the minute details and you take it from soup to nuts. Yet you don’t do the same thing with your life and you kind of bump along, for lack of a better term. And then you wake up and you’re just like, “Hell, how did X number of years pass by and I told myself when I was a little kid that I was going to be_________”

Were you going to run away and join the circus’
Were you going to be a French clown’ I don’t know. Whatever it was that you told yourself you’re going to be your kind of like, “DAMN life has just passed me by.” 

I’d Thought I’d Be More Successful By Now

This came up to me because I’m in the process of running this five-day masterclass and it’s all about those people who fall on and off the fitness wagon. And some of the themes have come up from these women, and I wanted to really kind of explore it a little bit more here with you.

It came to me as one of my private clients, told me that she feel as though she would be so much more successful.” My response, “What is success to you’ How do you define success’ And then how are you measuring it'”

How Do You Define Success’

Because the best thing I ever heard about when it comes to success is that when I aim at nothing, I always hit it. That was like a coconut to the head. And when I asked her this question, she kind of gave me this blank stare. The question I pose back to you is “Are you comparing yourself to somebody else’ What do YOU want to be successful at’ What do YOU want to be known for’ What is that legacy you want to live'” Because before I start looking out the window and saying, “So and so has this, and so and so has that” and try to keep up with the Joneses, I got to know what I want. You know how I feel, and I’m going to get a little woo woo up in here. But if you don’t clearly declare what you want, there’s no way the universe can conspire to bring it to you. If one day you want an orange and one day you want an apple and one day you want a banana, there’s no way the universe is going to be like, “Girl, I’m just going to sit over here in the corner, I’m going to wait for you to get your shit together. And when you get your shit together then I’m going to kind of see if you really want it or you’re going to change your mind and lead your own little wild goose chase.”

So, I want you to really say if you tell yourself, “I have not been successful”, what is success’ Define it, just like a word. If I were to say, “iPhone.” “Oh, I know exactly what an iPhone is.” And then you would take it to the next level. “What model iPhone do you have'” That’s the same thing that happens with goals and success. You can’t say, “Successful to me is really getting back to working out.” How many days a week are you working out’ What are you doing for those workouts’ It’s taking that one idea and then flushing it out. It’s like, “I’m going to build a house.” What kind of house’ Ranch’ Split ranch’ (I know nothing about architecture, but are you picking up what I’m putting down’)

You define what you’re going for, because if you’re not clear on what you’re going for, how do you know you got there’ How do you know that you’re not successful’

I’m all about having big audacious goals, I’m totally for that. But you have to clearly articulate what the goal is, and you have to give it a deadline, because it’s really easy to let things slide.

Think of it like a house project – have you ever remodeled your kitchen’ And it starts with, “I’m just going to do the cabinets.” And then they take the cabinet’s off the wall and then they discover you have mold, or they discover that the wall wasn’t set up the right way, or they have to do something different to the cabinet. And all of a sudden what was one price slowly starts to creep up. And that’s what people do with their goals when they don’t put a concrete end date, they’re like, “Well, (say we’re going for weight) I was two pounds less, so I totally failed.” No, you didn’t fail. So, then I’m going to extend the date, and then I’m going to make it harder, I’m going to restrict, I’m going to work out 2x/day and I’m going to make sure that I don’t have any more than x number of calories and NO cheats.  Uggh…I’m sorry that shit never works, try this instead.

I challenge you to write down 10 things that make you feel successful. And it doesn’t have to be these big things. I’m going to share with you what I wrote down. Keeps things simple, I like simple because life is already complicated enough without me complicating my own life or me complicating someone else’s life. And also keeps you from chasing rabbits because it helps you to figure out if what you’re doing is in alignment with what you want most. For me, I said what success is for me is

✅ I don’t want to set an alarm clock, I just want to get up when I get up, and that’s every day.

✅ I want every day to feel like a Saturday, that’s what I want.

✅ Success for me is when my clients email me back, text me back, communicate back to me that I’ve inspired them to take action, that I’ve done something that has changed their life. No matter how small or insignificant that it is, I want to know that I had an influence over someone’s life.

✅ I also love it when my own mindset shifts, that something that I was once struggling with I now am like, “Huh.” X number of months ago, years ago I would have been shut down, now I have the tools to handle that.

✅ I’d like to be able to travel every three months, just pick up and go somewhere every three months.

✅ My thyroid and hormones have finally come back into balance

That is on my list of what success looks like for me. So, you take the time, write down 10 things, just what makes you feel successful, what makes you feel happy. It could be I want to get a dog, whatever, I want to get a cat, goldfish. Go for it.

Give Yourself Grace

I see so many people beating the tar out of themselves over just past shit that just doesn’t even matter anymore. It doesn’t matter to anyone but you, but you keep playing that song over and over again. Do you know those movies that you’ve seen five zillion times’ You know what is in the middle of the movie, you know what’s at the end of the movie, you know what’s at the beginning of the movie, yet you still park your ass down and you’ll watch, you say the words along with it, especially if it’s one of those sad movies like The Notebook, you know exactly what’s going to happen, but you watch. Or I just re-watched Message In a Bottle,  sorry spoiler alert – the ending is not going to change, it’s still going to be a tear-jerking moment and you still watch it.

My husband is like, “Why do you do that'” I’m like, “I don’t know.” But I still do it. So, I want you to start to give yourself some grace. Stop being so hard on yourself. Yes, who doesn’t make a mistake’ If you can point out someone who has not made a mistake, they’re not alive. And especially when it comes to health and fitness, there are no fatal mistakes. If you didn’t die, you’re good, you just learned a way that doesn’t work. Having a brownie is not going to kill you, having an extra glass of wine is not going to kill you. 

The Kindness Of A Kid

Give yourself the same kindness that you would give your kid. Your kid paints on your living room wall. Of course, initially you’re pissed off, but you say  “Oh Charlie, let’s clean this up together.” The initial ugh and anger turns into, “I’m not going to just go full crazy town on my kid.” I want you to have that same kindness that you would express to a kid that you would express to yourself, because think about it, when you beat the shit out of yourself, is that motivation’ Does that make you want to try even more’

It’s Okay To Be A Beginner

No, you’re like, “fuck it”, and you move on, and you’re just like, “It’s time to go two feet in on just crazy behavior.” The big thing is to accept where you are and make a plan. Now, I know everyone wants to jump in and be the expert, but we all can’t come in at the expert level. We all can’t come in and be the know-it-all. I know that we want to be the know-it-all, but that’s not the case.

The other day I was listening to a podcast, and this woman is a consultant to really rich parents trying to get their kids into preschool, and she helps them craft the essays and all this good stuff to get some kids that are between three and five years old into preschool. And some of the parents come in, and what mother or father doesn’t think little Johnny isn’t a genius’ Little Johnny can be the next president, little Johnny could be the next whatever, and they’ve included those kinds of things in their essay. The woman who is the consultant, she just tells it like it is, she doesn’t hold a punch. And she goes, “If you tell me your 18-month-old is a genius, your 18-month-old is fluent in any language, I’m ripping it up and throwing it in your face.”

I want you to think about that. These parents at 18 months are putting so much pressure on their kids so that they can get into PRESCHOOL. I want you to think to yourself that if you’re 18 months old, would you be an expert at anything’ You might be an expert colorer,  🤷🏽‍♀️ you might be an expert at shoving a grilled cheese into the VCR, but what else can you be an expert at’
I want you to let yourself off the hook and say, “Some things I know, and some things I don’t know, and it’s okay for me to not know it all.” And that’s why people hire a coach, that’s why people write books to tell you how to do something a little bit faster. Because how many times can you spin your wheels before you take that next leap’

Transformation Is The Way

We love transformation shows; why do we watch The Biggest Loser‘ You like to see these people go from unfit to fit, and we watch the transformation. And during the show, the transformation seams, seamless’ Is it like one minute they’re overweight and then one minute they’re down 100 pounds’ No. There are trials, there are tribulations, and we tune in to that because we want to see the journey. And that’s where I want you to get back to it being in that journey because that’s where the grit is built, that’s where you learn who you are, that’s where you also learn what works and what doesn’t for you. Because so many people are out there looking for the magic plan; sorry, my queens there is no magic plan.

Seriously, I want there to be a magic plan too, that would make my life so much easier like, “Here’s the magic you’ve been looking for, rock on.” But there is no magic. So, what I want you to think about is through my transformation is my learning, through my transformation that is where the magic is. Your transformation is your own magic, and you pick the spells you make my own personal magic.

Think about this – it’s not a linear process. Biggest Loser, they have their ups and their downs, they all kind of cross their fingers when it comes to the weigh-in; same process. I want you to think about how many frogs’ princes and princesses kissed in fairy tales before they got to the prince. It’s the same thing. It’s not about I’m on this diet so I’m going to get all these amazing results. It might be I’m going to take a little piece of this, a little piece of Keto, a little piece of Whole30, a little piece of Weight Watchers, a little piece of Atkins and then make it the Kim Diet. And when I beat myself up, I’m probably not sleeping, I’m probably stressed like nobody’s business, I’m probably drinking a little bit more than I should, and I probably have a little bit more anxiety. So, when I start to peel away and just let myself off the hook, I might start sleeping better, I might stop drinking as much, I might reduce my stress. So, do you see that there is this nice cause and effect when I start to really kind of let myself go’

Set Boundaries

And the best way to let yourself go is to set these boundaries. If you are a people pleaser, raise your hand, where are my people pleasers’ I see it all the time, especially with my clients who are people pleasers because to sneak away from work they’re like, “I’m sneaking away from work and that means that so and so might have to pick up the slack.” Or, “My kids don’t like the daycare, so I really don’t want to put them in daycare at the gym.” Or, “I’m already at work all day, I really can’t spend another hour at the gym.” It’s those kinds of things where I need you to figure out what do you want, and can you find a way to bring yourself into shorter periods’ If you want to workout, can you find a way to workout at home’ Can you find peace in an extra 30 minutes in the day so that you’re not doing it at the end of the day to take time away from your kids’

I want you to start to get creative with how you can make taking some time for yourself.  I will tell you that the best way to practice boundaries is self-care. And it is for your own well-being, because when you feel good you project that out to the people that you care about, and when you feel like crap you project that out to the people you care about as well. And boundaries are healthy, boundaries also help, again, reduce that stress, because one of the biggest things, and I talk to my clients about this is if you can’t go workout, the two things I always say are the not the simplest, but the two things that are the easiest thing that doesn’t require a gym membership is to minimize your stress and get some sleep.

When I set my boundaries those are two things that immediately go up because one of my boundaries is, I set work hours and I stick to them. I set a bedtime and I stick to it. And so, when I start to create boundaries just for myself personally, and I honor myself, then I proved to myself I’m worthy of me. So, if I’m worthy of me, that gives me more confidence to start making those boundaries to other people. 

I know that it’s tough when you’re a people pleaser. I have a client who she has a sick aunt and her aunt is like a mom to her, and she’s like, “How could I take the time off to go to the gym when she’s sick'” My response, “Well, what are you going to do, stare at her'” If you are away from her for one hour, what’s going to happen’ It’s one hour. And you’re going to come back more refreshed and more recharged to really help her and serve her, and she’ll feel better that you’re doing something for yourself versus always waiting on her hand and foot.

Just start to think of those things as simple things to get away. And don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. So, many people can come to you and say, “Hey I need you to do this, and I need you to do that.” Here is your permission slip, it’s okay for you 1) to say no and 2) to ask for what you need.

What Happens When You Have No Discipline’

Lastly, so many of you come to me saying, “I don’t have the discipline. I really need the discipline.” And it’s not discipline that you need, it’s habit, because habits are how we achieve great things. Habits turn into discipline, so that’s your vocabulary lesson for the evening. Habits are decisions, habits are decisions that you make on a daily basis. I want you to think about from the moment you wake up in the morning. For me, I’ll tell you my habits. My habit is I set my alarm 15 minutes before I want to get up.

I snooze three times, that’s my thing, 🤷🏽‍♀️ it makes my husband nuts, but that’s what I do. Then I get up, I brush my teeth, I wash my face, put on my gym clothes, then I go downstairs, I make some coffee, I make my pre-workout drink, I foam roll and then I head out the door. That’s my habit, that’s my routine. It took a bit to get to that routine, but I want you to think about that. That’s what I do. Before I go to bed, I set my clothes up the night before so that I’m just ready to go. What does your morning look like’

Habits can hold you back, habits can be good or bad. “I’m always going to start again on Monday”, that’s a habit, it’s a routine, it’s ingrained in you now that, “I messed up, so I just get a fresh start on Monday. Do fresh starts only happen on Monday.” Why’ Is that a rule’ Show me, please show me that book that says that’s the rule.

Habits can put you into this holding pattern. Habits take practice so that they eventually become a routine, and then once you start getting that routine that’s where you get the consistency. And once you have that consistency, that’s where you get the results. People will say, “I want that fit girl magic, I want to live in that golden zone.” Well, that’s the formula right there, it’s establishing great habits that build on to great routines that establish consistency that give you the results.

The Power Of One Simple Habit

I always challenge people, what’s one simple habit that you can start’ And then I get this whole list. Pump your breaks girlfriend, I’m looking for one simple habit. I’ll tell you my one simple habit. Drink more water – it’s already ingrained in me to drink coffee in the morning. If you try to take away my morning coffee I will fistfight you. So, instead what I do is I have my first cup of coffee then I have a glass of water, and then I have my second cup of coffee. And I can’t have that second cup of coffee unless I have that glass of water. That’s how I drink more water. Makes sense, right’

Then I teach group fitness classes, so I have to before I finish teaching class, I have to drink the entire bottle of water that I bring with me to class. If I don’t drink it all during class, I have to drink it on the way home, but in that time I’m away from my home I’ve got to drink that bottle of water. 

Lastly, usually around seven-ish while I’m cooking dinner, I have another bottle of water that I have to finish that. Typically, I’m drinking throughout the day, but I’ve established these three kinds of way-points throughout the day, but I’ve linked it to something else that I’m already doing so that it’s my trigger. So, I get the trigger of I’ve had my morning cup of coffee, I get the trigger that I’m teaching a class, I get the trigger that I’m making dinner. So, now I have three guaranteed times during the day that I’m drinking water. Does that make sense’ What would your one habit be’

I want you to think about, “What’s my one habit, and what is a trigger or several triggers that might get me to remember this is time to do this, this is time to do that'”

The post To Women Who Want to Live Their Best Lives But Don’t Know How appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

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A New Approach to Weight Loss

We all have our own approaches to what the new year is going to bring us. So, what I wanted to talk about is what if we turn dieting on its head’ You’ve seen all the commercials just as much as I have, you’ve heard all the commercials, and it’s all about “give up”, “drop this”, “do that.” What if we stop focusing first on dramatically dropping our calories and dramatically upping our workouts’

For some people dropping calories and upping workouts, keeps people in that perpetual cycle of chasing skinny. You give up all the “bad” food you rely on willpower and then your willpower gives up, your motivation runs away and you find yourself on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Dublin Mudslide with a side of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Once you get out of your sugar coma you promise yourself that you will get back on to the “wagon” again. You’re going to go to the gym every day and hit up every class that so-and-so told you, will give you a tight butt. “The class that will give you six-pack abs.”  You are going hard, but you can’t sustain it because that’s not who you are, it’s too hard and you go back into that cycle. I’ve been in the fitness industry for over 15 years and I see it time and time again.  

The first Monday in January everyone comes in, ready to rock! I’ll tell you that by March 31st 20% of the those with fitness goals stick. The other  80%, I’m going to see them again NEXT January.

I don’t want that to be you.

No cold turkey

What if we took the two things that everyone says they need to start with – diet and exercise – and we put them on the back burner and “Instead of chasing skinny I want to chase lasting results.” And I know for many people lasting results come from having great habits, because if you’re not in the habit of working out, if you’re not in the habit of eating right that’s like trying to force someone who is a smoker to stop smoking cold turkey. Why would they have the patch and these other things if quitting smoking was just like, “Hey, I’m not going to smoke anymore” and they’re done’ That’s what you’re trying to do when it comes to diet and exercise.  You’re like, “I was having Big Macs and margaritas yesterday, and now I’m not going to salads and water.” 

Reboot your mind

What I want to say is if you’re tired of that reboot button, what if we started to focus on your mindset first’ Now, it isn’t sexy, not by any stroke of the imagination. But what I know is that when I

✅ clear out the cobwebs up in my head,

✅ clear out all of the negative self-talk,

✅ clear out all of the judgments that I have on myself,

✅ clear out all of the comparisons,

that’s when I’m going to start making some serious changes because I can’t outrun my mind.

But I know I can outrun the next person on the treadmill 😉, I can probably out-diet somebody, but I can’t outrun the coo-coo that lives in my head. And we all have that coo-coo that lives in our head it only seems to comes out when you’re trying to do something different. It’s that voice that say you shouldn’t even try. You suck, you’ve been done this road before and failed why try!

I always challenge my clients, and I tell them if I focus on my mindset the body is going to follow.

What happens is when you start with diet and exercise and you’re like, “This is great! This is awesome! I’m doing amazing!” But there is always going to be a roadblock, there is going to be a challenge that comes up and your mind is going to tell you, “You know girl, how many times are you going to go down this road’ How many times are you going to try’ How many times are you going to fail’ How many times are you going to make this perfect when it’s not perfect’ How many times are you going to be let down and disappointed'” That inner voice starts talking louder and louder. And even though you feel great you’re making progress, your mind can find a way to knock you down just like that.

The challenge: Start where you are

I want you to get away from the focus of how fast things are coming, because that’s one of the first things that always knocks people off track.

When it comes to starting down the path of mindset, please know that mindset isn’t one of these things like, “Oh, in 30 days I’m going to have a brand-new mindset.” that’s not how it works. Working with my clients I use the Arthur Ashe quote as my framework “Start where you are.”

Arthur Ashe Questions

I want you to sit down and just say, where am I’ When you start down the diet road, what are the obstacles that jump out at you first’ What are the excuses that you say about yourself’ How far down the path do you get before you get squirrely’ And by ‘squirrly’ I mean are you four weeks in before you start questioning, “Is this working’ Am I getting results'” When do you start to press the freak out button and start feeling like, “I’m not getting the results from my efforts”‘ At what point have you experienced that in the past’

These are the obstacles I want you to focus on.  “Here are my known obstacles, here are my known excuses” so that when they pop up you can start to build the toolkit to bust through all of the lies, all that malarkey and just be able to say, “You know what, it’s my mind trying to stop me from taking things to the next level. It’s my mind trying to keep me safe.” 

As humans we like certainty. We want to know that when I close my eyes at night the sun is going to rise. You want to know that there are 24 hours in a day.  As you go through each step of getting healthy and fit you want to know. “How am I going to react on each step'” This is where the work comes. And that’s why most people don’t want to do it; IT’S WORK. It’s not this “take this pill wake up in three days and you’re going to be down 40 pounds.”

Do the work

Trust me, my life would be so much easier if I said, “Take two of these and call me on Friday.” I wish, but that’s just not how it’s going to be. Here is where that inner work comes, and that’s where most of us slip up. It’s our society, we want to snap our fingers versus have to ride through the uncomfortable parts, the feeling of the unknown. But if you’re able to do that, trust me, on the other side is going to be the results that you want. It’s going to be what you want. It is going to be that blue sky. But you’ve got to go through the dark forest first in order to get to that blue sky.

Define your sustainable success

I want you to think about how you define success, I want you to break free of your past self. I don’t want you to be like, “Back in high school I weighed 138 pounds” and you’re now 40. It might happen, but let’s just break up with old high school you. Instead let’s say, “In the last five years I’ve weighed this.” Or, heck, throw the scale out and just say, “In the last five years I’ve been a size blah, and I want to go back to being that size.” Then, I want you to take it to the next level – in order to be that size, what are you willing to do long-term’

If you want to get down to a size 10, size 8, what am I willing to do’ Am I willing to do it for the next five years in order to get there’ Because a lot of times people get to that size and then they’re like, “I can do whatever I want now.” And then gradually they creep back up. I want you to think about whatever you chose it has to be sustainable, and that sustainability starts in your mind.

We are always going to be working on our mindset. As you knock down one barrier, another barrier is going to pop itself up. It’s just a constant building of that toolbox in order to get that bulletproof mindset that instead of wallowing for a couple of days you might wallow for a couple of hours or what used to take you out for days isn’t even a blimp on the radar anymore. I don’t want you to think that all of a sudden, you’re this bullet proof Wonder Woman, deflecting all of your obstacles and challenges. 

You’ve got to move

The second piece is MOVEMENT. Now, I’m not talking balls to the wall kind of workouts. I’m just talking moving your body. And if we think about it, in our society we don’t move as much as we used to move. 20 years ago – which was a short period of time – we walked a lot more. There weren’t remote controls, you cranked your window by hand – it was a luxury, an option that sometimes you decide you didn’t want to pay for to have power windows, so you cranked your windows.

And when you hear people say these little things like – “get more movement in your day, take the stairs. If you work in a corporate environment go to the bathroom the furthest from your desk.” All those little things add up, those are active daily living. Why do you think the Fitbits and the activity trackers are so popular’ It’s not because the Fitbit https://amzn.to/2AJxRqh is pretty; it’s because we don’t move.

I do a lot of work in corporate environments. I go in and teach group fitness classes in companies, and a lot of the companies over the last few years have adopted more standing desks because fidgeting, that’s movement, or pacing, that’s movement. While you are the standing desk, you’ll do more fidgeting than you would sitting in a chair.   Fidgeting burns 29% and 38% more calories than just sitting in a chair. Those little acts of daily living add up.

If you have a dog, you’re definitely going to be out at least two times a day with the dog. If it’s a puppy you’re out way more if you’re trying to potty train it. Little things that add up and you will get a lot of bang for your buck. 

Are you getting 10,000 steps’ And if you aren’t, what can you do to get those 10,000 steps’ I’m at 12,000 steps today, and some days I can hit 30,000 steps and some days I can hit 5,000 steps. It’s very telling about what kind of day I had with those two types of steps.

Enjoyment and satisfaction

After you get mindset and movement down THEN we can focus on food, and I know you want me or any fitness professional to hand you over a magic fat-burning, calorie-torching food list. Here’s the thing – when you work with me, I’m not that type of coach that says, “Okay Susie, here is the ‘don’t eat this’ list and here is your meal plan for this week, and here are the foods you can have.” I don’t do that because this is what I know – you are a grown ass woman and you know what to eat. You know that super sizing it out at McDonald’s isn’t exactly the best thing for you. You all know that. It’s just a matter of helping you to figure out what’s the best thing for you.

I call 3 Meal Planning — satiation, satisfaction, satiety

The first thing I always say to people is we have to focus on the type of meal that you’re eating. And so, what that means is, do you have satiation with that meal’ A big word to say do you feel full’ Do you feel like you’ve had enough’ Do you feel like you don’t need anymore’

Was your meal satisfying’ Did you enjoy it’ Enjoyment piece is not a physical thing,  my brain will tell me if what I just ate was satisfying.  My stomach can be stuffed, but my brain can say, “You know what, there are some cupcakes over there and I want one of those. I’m having one of those. It’s going down.” 

Eyes vs. Belly

And trust me, you’ve all been there. Think about it – you’re out to dinner and you’re like, “I’m so full, it was a great meal.” And then the waiter comes by, and restaurants knows that you eat with your eyes, they have a dessert tray that physically shows you a sample of dessert is versus handing you a piece of paper. Restaurants are smart.  I worked at a restaurant and we used to hand out a piece of paper. Then, we used to have one piece of the desserts on the cart, as soon as we started doing that I sold way more desserts than before. We get satisfied with our eyes even though our belly is like, “Oh girl, I can’t have no more”.

What I want you to focus on, as you’re putting together meals, I want your meals to feel satisfying and I want them to physically look satisfying. Why do you think restaurants spend so much time on the presentation of the meal’ Because if it looks pleasing to my eyes it’s going to feel pleasing to my belly. So, I want you to think about, “I want something that gives me that quick hit of fullness, then I want that fullness to last and not just a few moments.  I want that fullness to last a couple hours so that I don’t feel like I’m always eating or always seeking food.

Maximize your nutrition

After that then I’m going to focus on caloric intake because I want to have maximum food from minimum calories, if that makes sense, I focusing on food QUALITY and not just  “This has X number of calories.” Then I’m going to say, “Does it satisfy me'” Because I know when you focus on X number of calories or X number of macros and you eat it and it’s not as satisfying, it doesn’t leave you full, guess what’ You’re off looking for the next thing, and that sucks.

Beware of trigger foods. They are foods that trigger you to eat keep eating it’s food that you just can’t get enough of, it just hits all the taste buds in the right spot and lights up your brain like Christmas day. Pay attention those foods and do your best to not have them in your house.

When you’re building your menu focus on the foods that you’re going to eat. I want you to sit down and really think about what foods you find satisfying but are also filling. It’s like broccoli – minimum calories, but if you can eat more than a cup of broccoli…(I’m going to look at you funny because clearly there is something is wrong with you.)

Their is so much fiber in broccoli that most people can’t eat more than a cup of broccoli in a sitting. You might be able to eat several cups over the course of the day, but in NOT one sitting“. It’s satisfying, minimum calories, and with all that fiber in it, it’s going to stick with you for a while. So, I want to think about things in terms of that.

Create a meal daisy chain

As you go through your day those are the types of meals you want. But I also want you to think about meals being daisy-chained together. The first meal of the day can affect the rest of your day. Let me just backup and explain what that means. My first meal, if it doesn’t hit on all those buttons, (satiation, satisfaction, satiety)

If you don’t feel full, satisfied or if your hunger comes quickly back.  That’s going to set you down this avalanche of seeking and nibbling.

I know for me, it’s eggs – sometimes if I’m traveling and I’m not in my normal environment sometimes the only choice I have is eggs. And eggs for me, they are not very satiating. I can eat three to four eggs and probably within an hour or two I’m like, “What’s next'” I’ve done it all, I’ve put in vegetables, I put toast, I do all the things to make that meal way more filling and way more satisfying, and it doesn’t do it for me. So, when I have eggs first thing in the morning it sets me down the snowball of, I can’t eat enough of other foods. And so, you might have foods like that, or now I’ve raised your awareness may start thinking about, “Do I have foods that do that for me'”

That first meal of the day doesn’t have to be breakfast. I know that some people are into the intermittent fasting and all that other stuff, that’s fine. But whatever that first meal of the new day is, I want you to make sure it hits on all three Ss

• Does it make you feel full’
• Does it stick with you’
• Is it satisfying to the brain’

Let’s make sure we are not maxing out on our calories. If you think about it, it’s like Denny’s or Applebees, they’re all over the internet like, “If you eat this breakfast, you’ve eaten breakfast for five people.” I don’t want those kinds of breakfast if you feel me. 😉

Plan your success

That’s where the meals come in. It flips meal planning on its head a little bit so that your focus more is making sure you are full versus, “I need this many calories or this many macros of carbs and this many macros of protein.” It’s focusing on making sure by the end of that meal you are not hungry, you are not craving, and your energy isn’t in the toilet. Makes sense’

Work it out

The last piece is the workout. So many people want to solve the eating problem with the workout. It makes me crazy when I hear people say, “Last night was a bad night. I’m just going to sweat it out on the Stair Master. Or I’m going to not eat today” 🤦🏽‍♀️It makes me crazy when I hear that. You can’t outrun a bad diet. If you ate it, you own it, the end. You ate. You own it. Move on. I hope you enjoyed it, next.

Working out is not about, “I need to kill myself. I need to work so hard that I feel like my heart is going to pop out of chest. I need to work so hard that the next day getting off the toilet is hard for me.” No. I want you to focus on quality. I want you to say, “If I could get in three to four awesome workouts I’m winning.” Now, when I say awesome, it’s awesome for that day, because some days you feel like you could lift a Buick, other days scanning your card at the front desk is all that you can do. Each day you work out check in with your body and go with how your body feels on that given day.

And that’s how we’re going to flip dieting upside down. That’s how you’re going to break free of chasing skinny. That’s how you’re going to say, “I can live a happy life with an occasional cocktail and have cream in my coffee.” 🥰 It starts with having good habits, creating these small little habitual wins that are going to help you create routines. Having a great routine gives you the courage to keep going so that eventually you’re able to get this consistency.  And it’s the consistency that’s going to get you the results. It’s not these hit or miss endeavors that you do here and there and every once and a while it’s like, “What can I do on a day-in and day-out basis for the next five years for the rest of my life'”

The post The New Rules of Weight Loss in 2019 appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

So, here we, are we’re knocking on the door 2019. I just can’t believe it, like where did the year go’ I wanted to create a lifestyle audit, this is the time of year where we look back and ahead. Let’s check in to see if you’re looking at the right things. It’s time to do an audit, no one ever wants to be audited by the IRS, but the audit basically is the IRS’ way of saying, “You’re telling us you make a dollar, yet you’re living in a mansion, those things don’t line up. So, clearly there’s more going on, so we need to open up the hood and see what’s up.”

The first place to start when you conduct an audit is do you want, that’s the biggest step. I remember years ago when I was working with a coach and I was trying to create my business and be this awesome person, and her first question to me was, “What do you want'” And I was like, “What'” That question stopped me in the tracks. She quickly followed up with another gut punching question “How do you define success'”  “Wow, those are two really powerful questions.” 

Define Your Own Success

I find that most people don’t ask themselves those questions. They think about all the things that they want but not to this level that it says, “This is what I really want.” Some people think of, “This is what I should want.” We should want to grow up, get married, buy a house, 2.2 kids, a cat, a dog and a squirrel. But what if that’s not what you really want’ I remember when I was younger, I never really wanted to have children, it just never was like a thought for me. And I remember I would tell people this, and they would look at me like I said I worshiped the devil. It just wasn’t what I wanted.  How many people sleep walk through their life, going towards things they don’t want’ It doesn’t have to necessarily be kids, but it could be your dad told you to be a doctor, so you’re a doctor and you freaking hate it, or someone told you to be whatever and you hate it. I want you to take the time and say, “What it is that I want'” 

This is probably not be an overnight thing. Give it some serious thought.  You may have never took the time to sit down and think is this is what I want out of my life.” Because guess what’ We only get one turn around the planet before we’re done. Now, some of you might be like, “Oh, I got past lives.” That’s great, wonderful, rock out with your bad self. What are you doing with your current life now’

What are you doing with this life’ I’ve recently started following a guy named, Jesse Itzler. His claim to fame he owns the Atlanta Hawks now. He was talking on a podcast and he just turned 50. He told the interviewer , “I only have X amount of time left on this earth, and I want to make it count.” Now, some people might think about that as being morbid, or some people might look at that and go like, “It’s time to get to work, start to get some stuff done.” 

So that’s why you should take this lifestyle audit. I want you to like think to yourself, “The past is the past, the future is now, and it’s time for me to start taking some inventory so that I can live my best life versus just sleepwalking, trudging through my life.”

What’s Working’

First question, “What’s working'” What’s working in your life’ What’s working in your health’ What’s working in your work life’ What’s working with your relationships’ What’s working in your spirituality’ What’s working with your money’ Think about the big buckets in your life and just say, “What’s working'”

My husband and I were talking about the five love languages, (here is the link https://amzn.to/2S7oSpq) and I kind of straddle two love languages and one of mine is tokens of appreciation. If that man unloads the dishwasher, giddy as a schoolgirl. And so, I want you to think, even if it’s stuff like that, the little things, I want you to think of every little thing in those buckets that is going well. My husband knows that it makes me happy when he unloads the dishwasher, so he does it. And if I get him to go to the grocery store, he would be like a picture in the dictionary of good marriage, but I digress. So, what’s going right’ 

Of all the things that are going right, is there anything that can be modified’ Is there something that you could add a little tweak to’ Think of it like this – if you’re already eating really well, take a quick review and ask yourself  “could probably eat a little bit more protein.” So, that’s what I’m talking about for modification. Or if you’re going to the gym you might be like, “You know what needs to be modified’ Could you add in a 15-minute stretch at the end of your workouts.” Do you see what where I’m going with this’ So, the modifications aren’t these huge, big sweeping things, they’re just a little turns of the dial, little tweaks of what’s currently working well in your life.

It’s An Inside Job

Now you have your lists of things that need to be tweaked. The next step is “Why do I want it'” And I’ve talked about this several times, why’ Because when you know why, that’s your motivation. Because so many people say to me, “Oh, I’m waiting to be motivated, I’m waiting to be motivated.” Well, you have a better shot of the number one bus driving by than the motivation bus. That motivation bus and the willpower bus, they’re on the same track, they ain’t coming or at least not on a frequent schedule. So, I find that when you define what your why is, that’s your motivation, that’s what’s going to get you up and over any obstacle, any hurdle when you’re not feeling motivated. 

Dream Big

So, I want you to think about why do you want it and what needs to happen in order for you to make this change. This is it where I’d say don’t beat yourself, no telling yourself, “Oh I got to be a better person.” “Oh, I got to stop stuffing my face.” “Oh, I got to stop doing this.” No. This is where you do a brainstorm. If you’ve ever been in a corporate environment and you try to come up with new products or new ideas, it’s silly idea time and you just starting throwing out random things out, nothing is off-limits. It could be like, “Hey, I need a personal chef.” “Hey, I need a personal trainer to come to my house every day.” It could be all of that, silly idea time, just throw it out there, don’t worry about the feasibility of it just yet, we’re just trying to get our mind just empty of what’s possible to make this happen. Do you need a gym membership’ Do you need a peloton bike’ What do you need in order to make this happen’ Do you need a new planner’ Do you need to learn to cook’ Do you need to sleep more’ What are the things you need’

And once you exhaust your brain of all the things you need, then I want you to kind of break it down into A, B and C, where A, “This is totally possible, this is totally doable.” B, “This could be a stretch, but possible.” C, “It’s far-fetched. I need a unicorn to show up on my doorstep, and I’m going to ride that unicorn to the gym.” That’s C. But still put it down there because what I find is that sometimes even the craziest things get your brain thinking about ways to make it possible. I don’t know about the unicorn, but hey, if you see one take a picture, holla at your girl. 

Get Specific

And then now that we’ve kind of put it in a basket of, “This is what we want, this is what’s possible”, then ask yourself what do you want to achieve in the next 12 months’ What is it’ Take the time to be as specific as possible so that – I’m going to get a little woo-woo right here – the universe likes specificity, the universe wants you to slap it upside the head and say, “I want it to be a purple unicorn coming down the street.” It wants you to be specific so that way you start to visualize, you start to see it happening and unfolding in your mind and so that you’re bringing and drawing these options into your world. Now, I know for some people you’re like, “Girl.” Trust me, three years ago if you would have said the same thing to me, I would have said, “So you have a medical marijuana card, don’t you'” I totally get it.

Universal Experiments

I’m going to give you an example of how my mind went in a complete 360 and I started really believing in this. My mindset was in the crapper three/four years ago. I was working with a coach and she was helping me to adjust my mindset. And so, she had me read this book, called E-Cubed, (here is the link to the book https://amzn.to/2EzTQn4) In the book it gives you little examples of how to test that what you think about you can bring it to your existence. 

So, it’s February and I’m reading the book and it says, “Over the next several days I want you to focus on seeing cars the color of the sun, and purple feathers and butterflies.” As I’m reading it I’m rolling my eyes.  Cars the color of the sun, I got that.” But I’m like, “Butterflies’ It’s February in Boston; good luck with that.” So, I’m like, “All right, I’m going to put it out there.” I’m looking for butterflies, I’m looking for cars the color of the sun and I’m looking for purple feathers.” I’m going on with my days and not giving much thought to this mindset test. About four days later I’m watching TV, and what floats across the screen in a movie that I’m watching’ BUTTERFLIES. I was speechless, and to get me to be speechless, that’s a lot.   

I let go of the how. I was expecting to see a physical butterfly fly in front of my face, but what I did see was a butterfly on TV. So, I was specific, I needed to see a butterfly, so it happened. I tell you this story because I want you to be open to that type of possibility.

Break It Down

One big take away from that book is what you think about you can bring about. Yes, at times it can feel daunting, so can runing a marathon you’re like, “Oh my god, 26.2 miles, 26.2 miles is so far, that’s so far. Instead of thinking about the full marathon, break it down mile by mile by mile. If I want to run a marathon in six months, I’m going to take my mileage and I’m going to back it up, and so each month I’m going to increase my mileage till I’m at the point where I’m going to be running 26 miles.” So, let’s just say the first month I want to get to a point where I’m running five miles, and then I’m running 10 miles. So, the first month I’m running a total of five miles, that five miles will be my longest run. Then the following month I’m working up to running 10 miles, then the following month I’m working up to running 15 miles. And then following month I’m working up to running 20 miles. So, you see, I’m doing incremental work, but I’ve broken down my goal into six phases of running. And so, then from there I’m like if it’s five miles, then I take that five miles and say, “What do I need to do each week'” And I just focus on the week, and then just say, “This is my goal for the week.”

Approaching your goals like this gives you small wins. Small wins make me feel so motivated. Here is the motivation that we just talked about. You’re waiting for this big bucket of motivation to fall on you like the ice bucket challenge. Motivation, I want you to think of it as an annoying leak that just keeps drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. You don’t know where it’s coming from, you just hear it all the time, that’s what I want motivation to be, because I want you to think about motivation as a layer, it just layers and it just keeps building, keeps building, keeps building upon itself. And then the more you win, the more you’ll want to try new things, so that you get in the game and stay in the game. 

Specific Is Key

You want your goals to be very specific. What I said is a marathon, we know a marathon is 26.2 miles. A lot of times I find clients, they’ll set these wishy-washy goals, and they’ll say, “I want to be toned.” Well, I don’t know what toned is, toned is soap from the 80’s, that’s all I know of toned. I don’t know what toned looks like. When you set a goal, I want it to be so specific that any random person walking down the street says, “Oh, that’s exactly what you want to do’ I know what that is.” I want you think of it as if I was driving somewhere, I wouldn’t say, “Oh I’m heading to Boston.” Boston is a big flipping city. I want to drop a pin on Boylston Street in front of the Apple store on Boylston Street, that’s where I’m going. That’s what I want you to think about, that’s where I’m going. How do you know how far you are going’ And how do you know how far you’ve come’ I want you to look back sometimes at how far you’ve come as a way to say to yourself, “Holy, moly, I’m doing this, I’m getting some stuff done up in here.” And I also want you to have that pin to know how far you have to go as a way determine if you may need to adjust your goal, but sometimes you might have to look at yourself and say, “Do I got a little bit more gas in the tank'” And then you can either stomp on the gas or reassess where you are.

Don’t Quit

I’m okay with making adjustments. Adjustments are necessary, but what I don’t like is this imaginary measuring stick of feeling that you’re behind. I don’t know how many times I hear people say, “I’m behind.” And I’m like, “Behind what’ Who are you racing'” If you’re in a marathon maybe you’re racing somebody, maybe you’re racing yourself, I don’t know. But in life who are you racing’ Who are you racing in life that makes you say you’re behind’

I go to spin class at Flywheel. I’ve been taking the class for five years, and for five years I go, and they have what they call the torque board. Basically, everyone in the class, if you choose to participate, you go up on this board and it shows how you’re doing compared to everyone else in the class. And I don’t use that board as comparison, I use that board as my personal benchmarks. Over the last five years I haven’t made it on the board very much. Riding a bike is just not my thing. I go because my husband enjoys it and it’s one of our things we do together, it’s like one of our dates, so we spin. We ride next to each other, we don’t talk to each other, that’s a date. So, last week I go, and I don’t know, perhaps you should have tested my pee, I don’t know, but I was like lights out on that day. I was top eight in the overall class of 30 bikes including men and women, and I won six out of the seven races, like who am I’

Five years ago, if I would have said to myself, “I suck at spinning, I’m never coming to class” and I put out my crazy imaginary measuring stick, I would have totally taken myself out of the game. But I just kept trying, I kept going. Eventually I saw that even though I’m not on the board regularly, I’ve seen how my consistency in showing up has helped to improve  my spinning.

It reminds me that had I put up that imaginary measuring stick that says, “Oh my god,  I don’t get 500 points every class, so I shouldn’t even go.” Or, “Hey, I’m going to go but I’m not even going to go on the board.” 

Most people will take themselves out of the game before they even get a shot at the play. 

And I think it’s Michael Jordan that says, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” So, if you don’t know anything about sports, I know you know who Michael Jordan is. He’s one of the greatest; he’s going to go down as probably in the top five of basketball players of all time. He claims the reason why he was so successful, he just took the shot his mindset was I can’t score unless I shoot the ball.

Please break free of that imaginary measuring stick that you’re behind. You’re only behind if you don’t go, you’re only behind if you don’t try, you’re only behind if you stop. So, keep going my loves, keep going.

Routine Matters

What does your routine look like’ So, we’ve come through, we’ve got all these goals, we’ve got everything that we want. What does the routine look like’ And the big thing is – and I will say this until I’m blue in the face – routines create habits, habits create consistency, consistency creates results. Now, I’m going to say that again: routines create habits, habits create consistency, consistency creates results. Now, through that equation, did you see anything about perfection’ No. It was routine. So, I want you when you’re going through, what can (you I’m going to make this word up) routinize’ What can you turn into a routine’

For me, getting up in the morning, I need to work out in the morning, that’s just what I need to do, it needs to happen in the morning before I get derailed with my day. But in order for me to work out in the morning, I have to lay out my clothes the night before.  When I was a kid my mom used to make me lay out my clothes every night before I went to bed, and I HATED IT. Now, that’s what I do so I can get up and out.

If you’re getting up at 5:00am the last thing on your mind is wanting to pick out what you’re going to wear to go to the gym. I pick out my clothes, down to my underwear so, that all I need to do in the morning is just focus on brushing my teeth, washing my face and putting those clothes on. I’ve heard of some folks actually sleeping in their clothes in order to get to the gym on time, it’s totally up to you, I’m going to leave that in your hands.

Acknowledge The Obstacles

I’m going to leave you with, “What is your biggest obstacle'”

Routines’

What’s some thing that could jam you up, trip you up’ Because here is where I want you to start to think about your plan B’s, maybe even your plan C’s. So, how are you going to go over, under or push right through those obstacles’

Shit is going to happen, so I’d rather be forearmed for that.  So, think about the Boy Scouts, always be prepared. And then who is going to support you’ 

I help women to have the courage to break free of the rules that keep them from living the life of infinite possibilities.  These are the types of strategies I share in my Facebook Group.

The post Here’s How to Quickly and Easily Conduct A Lifestyle Audit appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

What Do You Learn From This Episode
1. The quickest way to get other people to support you
2. How to take the first step out of your comfort zone
3. Why you don’t need to try to hit a homerun every time
4. Why you need to focus on quick wins to be successful
5. What you should focus on instead of speed when it comes to your health
6. Why gratitude is the key to staying on track with your fitness goals
7. How to giving yourself the grace and space to wobble when you start your journey
8. The two step success process to end your day
9. How to stay on track by connecting to your why
10. The difference between hanging out with Jay-Z & Beyonce people vs. Eeyore
people
11. How to get a personal GPS for your fitness journey

Watch replay

Links mentioned in this episode
Social Media — Facebook
Instagram
Kim’s Email — squadleader[at]fabfitsquad[dot]com

My name is Kim Barnes Jefferson; I have a deep passion for guiding others towards fulfillment and success with an emphasis in fitness.
I teach busy professional women to stop the extreme dieting/training merry-go-round and start giving themselves permission to live a
healthy live without deprivation and guilt.

I can be found most days hanging out in my Facebook Group Women Who Thrive. It’s a place for women who are done whining and are
ready to get shit done and stop struggling with where they “should” be or what the they “should” be doing to live a healthy lifestyle. This is a
place where you will learn how to take consistent action while feeling confident in what to eat and when.

If you are looking to unleash your feel power and not be ruled by your food choices and want to love what you see in the mirror. You’ve found your tribe.
Will you join us’

The post It’s Never Too Late To Believe In Yourself appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

What Do You Learn From This Episode

1. How to make a bullet journal work for you
2. The beauty of a bullet journal
3. Why it’s a good idea to break down your daily, monthly, and yearly goals
4. What is a future log and how it can help you reach your goals
5. How to work marco- and microcycles to
6. Why reflection is an important part of journaling
7. What is habit stacking and how you can add it to your routine
8. How an open checkbox and trigger you into decision-making and action
9. How journaling can make your more deliberate with your eating habits.
10. How planning in advance can help you see repeated patterns
11. Using the chain method to create habits

Links mentioned in this episode

Fab Fit Squad — http://kimbarnesjefferson.com

Social Media — Facebook 

Instagram –

Kim’s Email — squadleader[at]fabfitsquad[dot]com

Jenn Lee

Linked In 

The post Are You Tired All The Damn Time’ appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

of the day and tune in to the needs of your on in this episode of FabFitTV.  

What Do You Learn From This Episode

1. The connection between your mental health and digestive health.
2. The truth about IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).
3. Why it takes more than the BRAT diet to reboot your body.
4. The shortcomings of Western Medicine.
5. What serotonin and dopamine do for you and how your lifestyle may be stopping them’
6. What your feelings have to do with your gut health’
7. Why you need to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
8. How journaling can make your more mindful with your eating habits.
9. How sitting in stillness can help you get more in touch with your body.
10. Two types of eastern medicine that can help you understand what’s going on with your body.Links mentioned in this episode

    Women Who Thrive
    Instagram
    Kim’s Email — squadleader[at]fabfitsquad[dot]com
    How to get in touch with Stephanie:
    Your Whole Healing Website
    Stephanie’s email –
    Your Whole Healing Contact Number – 617-702-4640

The post How The Body Heals The Mind appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

What Do You Learn From This Episode

1. Why most people give up on their goals.
2. How many people really stick with their goals.
3. Why you need to stop the perpetual reboot.
4. Why your health goals depend on your why.
5. How to get a quick, 30-day win.
6. The SMART way to set goals
7. The best timelines for setting goals.
8. Why you need to write down your goals with pen and paper.
9. How reverse engineer your goals
10. Why you need a personal contract.
11. How to kill the big swing in your health goals.

Links mentioned in this episode

Fab Fit Squad — http://kimbarnesjefferson.com

Social Media — Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/groups/fabfitlife/

Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/fabfitsquad/

Kim’s Email– squadleader[at]fabfitsquad[dot]com

Simon Sinek Start with Why — https://youtu.be/IPYeCltXpxw

 Watch replay  

My name is Kim Barnes Jefferson; I have a deep passion for guiding others towards fulfillment and success with an emphasis in fitness. I teach busy professional women to stop the extreme dieting/training merry-go-round and start giving themselves permission to live a healthy live without deprivation and guilt.

I can be found most days hanging out in my Facebook Group Women Who Thrive. It’s a place for women who are done whining and are ready to get shit done and stop struggling with where they “should” be or what the they “should” be doing to live a healthy lifestyle. This is a place where you will learn how to take consistent action while feeling confident in what to eat and when.

If you are looking to unleash your feel power and not be ruled by your food choices and want to love what you see in the mirror. You’ve found your tribe.

Will you join us’

The post appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

This episode will help you get moving . With just a few shifts, you’ll start to experience the feelings of success.

What Do You Learn From This Episode Replay

1. How fear keeps us from taking action.
2. Why the pursuit of perfection is stopping your progress.
3. How to get out of your own way.
4. How to keep going even when the goal seems elusive.
5. The truth buying your way to a healthy life.
6. Why the work is necessary.
7. Why it takes doing things differently.
8. How to flip your story.
9. How to create your own Vegas-style “Big Sports Book”.
10. Why you need fail fast.
11. Why you should go for the small wins.
12. How to become the best version of you.
13. How to use your past to guide your future success.

Links mentioned in this episode

Fab Fit Squad — http://kimbarnesjefferson.com

Social Media — Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/groups/fabfitlife/

Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/kimjeffersoncoach

Kim’s Email — squadleader[at]fabfitsquad[dot]com

My name is Kim Barnes Jefferson; I have a deep passion for guiding others towards fulfillment and success with an emphasis in fitness. I teach busy professional women to stop the extreme dieting/training merry-go-round and start giving themselves permission to live a healthy live without deprivation and guilt.

I can be found most days hanging out in my Facebook Group Women Who Thrive. It’s a place for women who are done whining and are ready to get shit done and stop struggling with where they “should” be or what the they “should” be doing to live a healthy lifestyle. This is a place where you will learn how to take consistent action while feeling confident in what to eat and when.

If you are looking to unleash your feel power and not be ruled by your food choices and want to love what you see in the mirror. You’ve found your tribe.

Will you join us’

The post How to Take Action When You are Freaked Out appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

What Do You Learn From This Episode

1.  How to not give up on your goals.
2. Why hard work isn’t always the answer.
3. How visualization can win over a short attention span.
4. Clarity is key.
5. The truth about success and consistency.
6. Why your beliefs and thoughts matter.
7. How to be coachable and why that changes the game
8. The impact of courage on your outcome.
9. How the right coach or mentor can get you to your goals faster.The one change that will affect every area of your life.
10. How to set yourself up for success.

Links mentioned in this episode

Fab Fit Squad — http://kimbarnesjefferson.com

Social Media — Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/groups/fabfitlife/

Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/fabfitsquad/

Kim’s Email — squadleader[at]fabfitsquad[dot]com

Tony Robbins Motivational Clip —The Emotional Flood 

My name is Kim Barnes Jefferson; I have a deep passion for guiding others towards fulfillment and success with an emphasis in fitness. I teach busy professional women to stop the extreme dieting/training merry-go-round and start giving themselves permission to live a healthy live without deprivation and guilt.

I can be found most days hanging out in my Facebook Group Women Who Thrive. It’s a place for women who are done whining and are ready to get shit done and stop struggling with where they “should” be or what the they “should” be doing to live a healthy lifestyle. This is a place where you will learn how to take consistent action while feeling confident in what to eat and when.

If you are looking to unleash your feel power and not be ruled by your food choices and want to love what you see in the mirror. You’ve found your tribe. 

Will you join us’

The post How to keep going when you want to give up appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.