It seems like such a simple question.

But when someone asked me that after my husband and I moved to Florida, I realized I didn’t have an answer.

For years, I would’ve said, “Working out.”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that working out wasn’t really my hobby. It was the place I went when life felt chaotic. It gave me structure. It gave me control. And for a long time, that was exactly what I needed.

Today, I still strength train. I still care about my health. But somewhere along the way, I realized I didn’t want my entire life revolving around managing my health.

I wanted my health to support my life, not become my life.

Why So Many Women Forget How to Have Fun

I don’t think women lose their sense of fun.

I think we slowly replace it with responsibility.

We become the reliable one.

The planner.

The one who remembers everyone’s birthdays, schedules appointments, answers the texts, buys the groceries, and keeps life moving.

We get really good at asking:

“What does everyone else need?”

And we stop asking:

“What do I enjoy?”

After years of doing that, it’s no wonder so many women freeze when someone asks what they do for fun.

The To-Do List Never Ends

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is:

“I’ll have fun when everything else is done.”

After the laundry.
After the emails.
After the grocery shopping.
After the house is clean.

Here’s the problem.

The list never ends. There’s always another load of laundry.
Another drawer to organize. Another person who needs something.

If fun has to wait until everything is done, fun waits forever.

Stop Looking for Your Forever Hobby

When people decide they want more fun in their lives, they often put enormous pressure on themselves.

They think they have to discover their passion.

Find the perfect hobby.

Become amazing at something.

That’s exhausting.

Lately, I’ve tried pickleball.

I’ve taken a few mahjong lessons.

I’ve played golf.

Some of those things I’ll do again.

Some I won’t.

And that’s perfectly okay.

Trying something and deciding it’s not for you isn’t failure.

It’s information.

You don’t need to commit to your next twenty years.

You only need enough curiosity to try something once.

What If You Don’t Need More Fun?

This is where I think we often get it wrong.

Sometimes we assume everyone needs the same thing.

More adventure.

More hobbies.

More excitement.

But that’s not always true.

Some women don’t need more play.

They need more rest.

Others need connection.

Some need to finally do the thing they’ve been saying they’ll do “someday.”

The challenge isn’t making yourself into someone new.

It’s figuring out what’s been missing.

A Better Question to Ask Yourself

Instead of asking:

“What’s my passion?”

Or:

“What’s my forever hobby?”

Try asking:

• What used to make me laugh?
• What sounds interesting?
• What would feel good for the next twenty minutes?
• What am I curious about?

Those questions are a lot easier to answer.

And they’re often where the fun begins.

Not Sure What’s Missing?

That’s exactly why I created the What Room in Your Life Needs Attention? quiz.

Maybe you’re craving more play.

Maybe you need more rest.

Maybe it’s connection.

Maybe it’s time to stop putting yourself last.

The quiz helps you figure out where to start, so you’re not trying to fix everything at once.

Because sometimes the biggest shift isn’t adding more to your life.

It’s giving yourself permission to pay attention to the part that’s been quietly waiting for you.

Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic

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The post Have You Forgotten How to Have Fun? Why So Many Women Over 40 Don’t Know What They Enjoy AnymoreIf Someone Asked What You Do for Fun, Could You Answer? appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

Let’s talk stats. Did you know burnout only got a proper definition in 2019?

Yep, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), burnout is now officially “an occupational phenomenon” (because nothing says “I see you, struggling human” like a fancy label).

In fact, it’s so new, it’s not even six years old! The WHO nails down three big burnout markers: energy depletion, cynicism about your work, and reduced professional efficacy. But real talk? Ask anyone who’s ever raised kids, cared for aging parents, or tried to keep a household together if burnout only belongs in the office. They’ll roll their eyes so hard, you’ll hear it.

So, what does burnout look like IRL? Ellyn Schinke, a burnout coach and scientist (she was supposed to be Dr. Ellen, NBD), breaks it down into four types:

Physical Burnout: Exhaustion that sleep can’t fix.

Overwhelm Burnout: Your brain won’t shut off, even when you’re bone-tired (bonus points if you dream about your to-do list).

Emotional Burnout: Feeling unfulfilled, quick to snap, numbing yourself with busyness (or a marathon of reality TV).

Boredom Burnout: Yes, you can burn out simply from not being challenged enough! Raise your hand if you’ve ever checked your phone for the 234th time today.

Now, here’s an eye-opener: burnout isn’t “just” about work. The definition tries to put burnout into a neat little work-shaped box, but that’s like saying you can only get sunburn from lying on a beach. Tell that to a new mom who’s averaging two hours of sleep a night, or to someone juggling work, home, and remembering if they actually fed the dog this morning.

“If I can’t get everything done, I must be failing.”

What if the real problem isn’t that you’re failing, but that you’re expecting yourself to do more than any sane person could accomplish? The fact you’re overwhelmed isn’t a personal shortcoming—it’s a clue that your plate is simply too full (and probably not by choice).

Imagine if we judged Olympic athletes on how well they could run a marathon… while carrying seven bags of groceries and answering work emails. Ridiculous, right? So why do it to ourselves?

Studies show even a tiny change—like an 11-minute daily walk—can have crazy good health benefits. That’s barely one-and-a-half Taylor Swift songs! Also, fun fact: the habits that lead to burnout often start in our teens. Those old “work harder, be the best, don’t screw up” voices? They’re running the show way behind the scenes.

Want to fight back?

Here’s your permission slip:

Write stuff down. Stop giving your brain the impossible task of remembering everything. Your notes app is free, and your brain will thank you.

Emotional processing is your friend. You don’t need a fancy journal. Just dump it all out—pen, keyboard, voice memo, whatever. It’s better out than swirling around your head.

Replace “balance” with “sustainability.” Ellyn says it best: “Balance is bullshit.” Trying to make everything equal is a losing game in our modern world. Aim for a pace you can keep up for the long haul instead of a sprint that leaves you gasping at the finish line.

Self-compassion isn’t weakness. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend after they flop. Would you call them a failure? Nope. You’d help them up, dust them off, and remind them they aren’t alone.

So next time you feel like you’re running toward a brick wall (or whirling on the hamster wheel of “just one more thing”), remember: it’s not you, it’s a system that expects superhuman effort from actual humans. You don’t need to hustle harder or tough it out. You need to rewrite the rules—and maybe take that walk.

Burnout isn’t a badge of honor, it’s a gentle (sometimes not-so-gentle) nudge to do things differently. Ditch the guilt, drop the narrative, and remember: you’re human, not a robot. That’s your real magic.

Ready for more?

Check out Ellyn Shinki’s “Burnout Proof” podcast and snag her free resources. Or, hey, just take a break. You’ve earned it.

What’s one silly, totally non-productive thing you’re going to do for yourself this week? Drop it in the comments—let’s normalize recharging like we do our phones. https://www.coachellyn.com/systems

Let me know if you want more tips, reframes, or fun sneak attacks on burnout beliefs!

Links:

https://www.coachellyn.com/

Burnout proof podcast 

Youtube:
Threads:
Systems Is your business stressing you out
Unsexy Summer Shred https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/unsexysummer/Facebook
Free Resources: https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/freeresources_podcast

Website:  http://www.kimbarnesjefferson.com 

The post How to Reclaim Your Energy, Sanity, and Self-Compassion appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

If you currently feel or have ever felt like your life is a house fire and you have just been burnt to a freaking crisp and still smoking, you are going to want to read on… Because my girl Caitlin has some great advice to help you fix your burnouts, even if you aren’t recognizing that it is happening.

Rona times have given us this gianntttt pause and it has given us the chance to look at our lives PRE-RONA and POST-RONA.  Was your life before a house fire and are you still lit’ Or has Rona ignited this fire and turned it into a full-blown blaze’ How are you going to recognize this’  And how are you going to heal from it’  

Caitlin Donovan has experienced her fair share of burnouts, one so long that it occurred over and over again for 7 years. When burnouts become a constant cycle they are typically HARD TO RECOGNIZE.  If you do recognize it, at some point you are going to think that it has gotten better and you are in the clear, but in reality, it hasn’t gotten better at all. You have just got better at ignoring the signs and pushing them away.

As an acupuncturist, Caitlin has worked with clients for years helping them with their own burnouts and it wasn’t until an injury on her Achilles tendon, resulting in not being able to walk for months, she was FORCED take a physical break and realize that she did not ever stop doing and going.. She was always a doer, also on the go traveling, cross country skiing, hiking and always being on the go, this injury forced her to slow down and realize that she herself was in the middle of a burnout!

She did not know what the hell she was going to be able to do not being able to basically move for the next 4 months and got into this space where she had to figure out what she was going to do.  While in that space, Caitlin turned to her spirituality to help her figure out what in the actual fuck to do with her time now.  And one morning she woke up seeing BURNOUT PODCAST over and over again and at that moment she realized that she was going to continue to help others through that burnout like she has been doing with acupuncture, but through the power of podcast AND  take care of her own burnout at the same time!

When you go through burnout and you are experiencing constant stress, there are actual physiological changes that happen to your brain.  The actual grey matter in your brain will start to diminish and disappear with long term stress. And if you have been in this constant cycle for a long period of time, you don’t actually see the effect that it is having on your body.If stress was physical and say you were losing our eyebrows or fingernails, we’d lookkk in the mirror and wonder what the hell is going on!’ But because it is hidden, we are so adaptable and we become very good at saying, oh it will be better next week!

Stress is what is feeding this burnout and is the number one cause of it.

How do you even know if you are burnt out’

There are 2 very big things that are going to happen when you are burnt out. You are going to have A LOT of resentment accompanied by a ton of righteousness.  You will be stuck in this constant loop of resentment, hating everyone around you and not understanding why NO ONE even understands how hard it is for you, no one can see how hard it is for you and no one appreciates you. This was EYE OPENING for me!

Most of my burnout was due to resentment. Basically, doing shit that I didn’t want to do, because I thought it was expected of me or it was what I had to do to get what I wanted. Does this sound familiar to anyone’

On top of this, those coping mechanisms you have used for a while to help with the stress is no longer working. Come home from work, have a cocktail, fall asleep you are fine the next day. BUT NOW, you do the same thing, but you CAN’T fall asleep and you wake up in the morning feeling hungover from that ONE glass of wine. Your brain doesn’t want to shut off at night so that you can sleep, and you find yourself more exhausted than normal. Even exercise, if you work out to relieve stress or clear your head, now you cannot even do that because you are physically too exhausted to even get that work out in.

When things stop working that help you get through difficult times, then you are burnt out.

Listen, It’s ok to feel resentful sometimes, it is a normal feeling, but you have to raise your hand and start talking about what it is that you want, what it is that you feel as a way to set boundaries and not let it boil and blow up until you want to tell everyone to go  FUCK themselves.

So, let’s say you did blow up on someone, or you did explode in flames and finally come to a realization that are burnt the fuck out, you are exhausted, not yourself and you resent and are annoyed with every person you look. What in the hell do you do now’  Where do you go, where do you turn to and where do you even start’  Well, magic makers, you have to figure out where that resentment is coming from, what it is and start setting boundaries.

Caitlin has the tool for just this too. She has created this amazing Journal called the Resentment Journal that helps you to tackle resentment to figure out what is taking up the most of your energy and to stop hating everyone around you.  This journal helps you to figure out what you are resentful for, why you are resentful, it helps you to ask yourself better questions, it allows you to feel emotion without judgement, and it helps you to really look into yourself and figure out what it is that you can change to help you feel less annoyed and getting that energy back.

My boyfriend Tony Robbins said it best, “When you ask better questions you get better answers. Take a pause, what you are resentful for in your life. Start asking yourself that questions. So, let’s start with the lowest hanging fruit. What’s the smallest and easiest thing that you can do today to inject more ease and flow into your life right now’ EASE AND FLOW people is what you want!!

And girl, STOPPP putting so much pressure on yourself! 

If you were to break this down, a lot of the pressure that we put on ourselves is 1) self-inflicted and 2) fear of external judgement. We live in this social media society that it is SOOO easy to put a ton of freaking pressure on yourself and compare to yourself to every other person on Instagram. It is so very easy to see all of these people that are doing things that you are not or doing something you think is better, thus it becomes very easy for you to start taking all of that in and start feeling like shit.  You have to stop comparing yourself to others on social media!! LIKE STOP TODAYYYY!! And let go of feeling like everyone is judging you because most likely they are not and if they area WHO THE HELL CARES!

In order to be able to live through things with resilience, you have to take care of yourself enough on the day today to have the spare battery to deal with that that comes up when you are burnt out. You have to know that you cannot control everything that is happening around us or what happens to us, BUT you CAN control how you are going to deal with it when it comes at you.  Life is always going to throw you a curveball and it may not be this week, and it may not be this big as the shit we have going on right now with RONA, but you will be thrown a curveball.

Ultimately, this is really ALL ABOUT sitting down, getting real with yourself and OWNING YOUR SHIT.  Own your piece of the pie! And handle it like a boss.  You can get through the burnout; you can overcome it turn yourself around. You can start learning ways to heal from the burnout and move on afterwards.  And you CAN start watching for those signs of exhaustion and resentment creeping up to tell yourself that you are getting close to that flame and you are about to get crispy!

And this brings me full circle back to that resentment journal that Caitlin has. Journaling is really, truly an amazing thing. I love to do it and it helps me tremendously with my day to day life. I LOVE to write, and it really helps me dig down deep. Now, I know that it can be tough to sit with a blank sheet of paper and wonder WTF am I going to write, but once you do it, you will realize how powerful of an exercise it really is. Journal allows you to be honest with yourself, it allows you to create a space for you to do things without treating yourself poorly. This journal that Caitlin has to offer is great because there are clear questions that she is asking you. You can stop the judgment, stop trying to control the situation, increase the curiosity and give yourself the distance between yourself and the situation.

Ladies, we are coming off of this pause and for the next 18 months to 2 years, we have the time to figure things out, so take the time to decide how you want your life to look like. Check out this Resentment Journal and all of the tools that Caitlin Donovan has to offer!! And I cannot wait to hear from you about this.

Are you burnt out’ Do you feel it right now as we speak’ Reach out if you are or head over to Caitlin’s Website to learn even more about who she is, what she does and how she can help!

What makes you feel magical’

There is something about the way I was created that makes it very easy for me to see the connections between how somebody feels, the symptoms in their body, the symptoms in their life.  I am able to make connections other people can’t see. I don’t claim I am better than other people, I don’t even try to do it, it is just so natural to me that it has to be magic. There is no other answer for it. My magic is connecting the dots in your life and reflecting those dots back to you that it allow you to understand why the headache is related to the in your kitchen.

LINKS:

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/FabFitSquad

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website: https://kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661

Links:

www.caitdonovan.com

www.instagram.com/cait_donovan

www.facebook.com/caitdonovanburnoutcoach

www.linkedin.com/in/caitdonovan

Links for promo:

https://www.caitdonovan.com/resentment-journal

The post Quick and Easy Ways To Beat Burnout appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.