Can You Sit Still for 10 Minutes? Most Women Over 40 Can’t

I used to love when people said:
“I don’t know how you do it.”

Of course, I’d pretend it was no big deal.
Oh, you know… I just get it done.

But on the inside?

That praise was fuel to hustle even harder.
Add one more thing to the calendar? Sure.
Remember every detail? Obviously.

Need someone to take care of it?

Step aside. I got it.
I was the get shit done kinda girl.

And for a long time, I thought that was one of my best qualities.

Until somewhere along the way, being busy stopped being something I did.

It became part of who I was.

When “Busy” Becomes Your Standard Answer

Someone asks how you’re doing.

What do you say?

Busy.

So busy.

Crazy busy.

Busy, but good.

For years, that was basically my whole answer.

I was always achieving, producing, organizing, remembering and figuring shit out.

And people praised me for it.

“You’re amazing.”

“I don’t know how you do it all.”

“How do you keep everything straight?”

Every compliment felt like proof that I should keep going.

So I did.

I wore hustle like a badge of bleeping honor.

The problem was, I had no idea how to take the badge off.

The Signs of Burnout Don’t Always Look Like Falling Apart

When we think about burnout, we often picture someone who can’t get out of bed or function.

That wasn’t me.

I was still getting shit done.

That’s what made it so easy to miss.

My brain had about 73 tabs open at all times:

Return the Amazon package.

Call the doctor.

What are we having for dinner?

Did I text that person back?

Did I schedule the mammogram?

Do we need dog food?

What am I forgetting?

There was always something.

Even when I was technically resting, my brain was still clocked in.

Sitting on the beach? Mentally making a list.

Watching a sunset? Thinking about tomorrow.

Trying to relax? Wondering what I could get done while I was relaxing.

That low-level hum in the background felt normal to me.

I didn’t think I was burned out.

I thought I was responsible.

Meet Burnt-Out Brenda

Over nearly 20 years of coaching women, I’ve met some version of this woman again and again.

I call her Burnt-Out Brenda.

Brenda is fine.

Totally fine.

She hasn’t slept properly since 2009, cries at random commercials and can’t remember the last time she sat down without feeling guilty…

But she’s fine.

Brenda is the woman who can take care of everyone and everything.

She remembers the appointments.

She handles the details.

She keeps the wheels from falling off.

And somewhere along the way, she starts to believe that her value comes from being the person who can handle it all.

I know Brenda very well because I spent decades being her.

Why Is It So Hard for Busy Women to Slow Down?

Here’s the tricky part.

When you’ve built your identity around being productive, slowing down doesn’t always feel good.

It can feel irresponsible.

Lazy.

Uncomfortable.

You sit down and immediately think about everything you should be doing.

You try to relax and five minutes later you’re folding laundry.

You go for a walk and turn it into a chance to return three phone calls.

You listen to a podcast while cleaning the kitchen and call it downtime.

We get very creative about making rest productive.

Because doing nothing?

That can feel harder than the workout.

Perimenopause Changed the Rules for Me

For years, I had one strategy.

Push harder.

Do more.

Keep going.

And to be fair, it worked.

Until it didn’t.

Perimenopause didn’t politely knock on my door.

It punched me in the face.

My sleep was crap.

My brain felt like it was on overdrive.

Everything felt harder.

The strategy I had relied on for decades suddenly stopped working.

I couldn’t outrun it.

I couldn’t outwork it.

My body basically said:

Girl, we’re not doing this anymore.

And if perimenopause hadn’t forced the issue, I’m not sure I would have stopped.

That was the uncomfortable part.

I had to ask myself:

What happens when being the woman who gets shit done stops being something you do and starts becoming who you are?

And if you’re not producing, achieving or checking something off a list…

Who are you?

The Mental Load of Always Being the One Who Handles Everything

Many women over 40 aren’t just physically tired.

Their brains never shut up.

You can be sitting perfectly still while mentally sprinting through the next three days.

That constant mental load can become so familiar that you don’t even notice it anymore.

It’s just how you operate.

You wake up with your battery at 18 percent and somehow expect yourself to function like you’re fully charged.

Then you wonder why everything feels harder.

Maybe you’re not bad at time management.

Maybe you’re trying to do 500 things in five minutes.

There is a difference.

Which Version of You Is Driving the Bus Right Now?

Burnt-Out Brenda is one of four women I’ve met repeatedly in my years of coaching.

There’s also Finding-Her-People Faye, who wants more real connection.

Too-Serious Tammy, who may have forgotten how to do things simply because they’re fun.

And Itchy-Feet Iris, who keeps talking about all the things she wants to do… someday.

Most of us aren’t just one of them.

I can see pieces of all four in myself.

The better question isn’t:

Which one am I?

It’s:

Which one is driving the bus right now?

Because life comes in seasons.

And sometimes one part of us grabs the wheel while everyone else gets shoved into the back seat.

Try This: Sit Still for 10 Minutes

Here’s your experiment.

Sit still for 10 minutes.

No phone.

No podcast.

No folding laundry while pretending you’re relaxing.

Just sit.

Maybe you have coffee outside.

Maybe you watch the sunset.

Maybe you sit at the kitchen table before everyone else wakes up.

Then notice what happens.

Do you immediately start making a list?

Do you reach for your phone?

Do you feel guilty?

Does 30 seconds somehow feel like three hours?

There is no right answer.

This isn’t a test.

It’s information.

Because if sitting still for 10 minutes feels harder than your workout, that might be worth paying attention to.

Were You the Get Shit Done Kinda Girl Too?

Maybe you were the woman everyone could count on.

Maybe you secretly loved hearing, “I don’t know how you do it.”

Maybe part of you still does.

I get it.

But you don’t have to wait until your body forces you to question the way you’ve been living.

You can start by getting curious.

What feels harder than it should right now?

What are you doing because you actually want to do it?

And what are you doing because you’ve always been the woman who gets shit done?

If any of this feels familiar, come meet Burnt-Out Brenda on the latest episode of the Fit Girl Magic podcast.

And if you’re curious about which part of your life might be asking for a little more attention right now, take my What’s Missing From Your Life Right Now? quiz.

The link is below https://kimbarnesjefferson.lpages.co/fflpersonaquiz_podcast
Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic
Tik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@kimbarnesjefferson
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kimjeffersoncoach/