Doubt!

These 5 letters that crept into my brain this week. I am roughly 7 weeks away from my next fitness competition and DOUBT crept into my mind. Can I do this’ Should I do this’ What the hell’ Is this my life’ Imagine this all going through my head within 30 seconds. Here’s a little background. I have been competing since 2005. I started competing after I lost 30 pounds because I needed a goal. I lost the weight, but now what. What was my next fitness endeavor. My trainer at the time was a former bodybuilder and suggested I give fitness competitions a try.

Now I’m not a glamour girl by any stretch of the imagination and walking in a bikini with clear heels didn’t seem like my cup of tea, but in April 2005 I took the stage at the Fitness America, show in New Haven, CT and I’ve been competing ever since. I typically compete in 4-5 shows/year like a machine. I wind up every January and wind down each June and the process begins again. Except this time! 

I couldn’t seem to get psyched  for it. My clock didn’t start. I would start down the path, but my focus was there. I wasn’t clicking into training mode. I was talking the talking, but I wasn’t walking the walk. You all know what I mean. You tell everyone you are fine when really you’re not. Or say you are going to start your diet on Monday and then it turns into next Monday and the Monday after that. Have you been there’

So here I sit pondering why is this my goal. Do I still enjoy competing’ Am I doing this because I want to or because it’s what I’ve always done’ Do I do this because it makes me unique’ Why is this my goal’

It took a moment of uncertainty to give me clarity. I do enjoy competing it’s who I am’ It’s what I do. It gives me the challenge and the push that I need.

Doubt can only be removed by action. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It took my doubt, to get clear. It’s okay to have doubt, but make sure you explore your doubts versus just giving up on it. You need to understand its source. My source was the fear of failure, I wasn’t taking the right steps to play big. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be successful this time and around. For all my efforts I was going to fall flat on my face. That was my doubt and fear talking, but I faced my fears and my doubts and was able to click in and recharge myself.

I am also fortunate to have friends and teammates that support me when I get down. Who is your support system’ Who do you call upon when you have doubts and fears. What steps do you take remove your doubt and fears.

My doubt is gone and on Saturday, June 5th I will be taking the stage at the NE Classic where I will do my fitness routine and competing in figure.