The Kids Left Home. Why Does the Quiet Feel So Weird?

You helped them pack. You made sure they had sheets, a phone charger, and whatever else was on the college checklist. Then you came home, walked past their bedroom, and realized there was no checklist for you.

Nobody warned you that the first quiet morning might feel strange. No one’s making a mess in the kitchen. No one needs a ride. And somehow the absence of crumbs can make you cry.

On Off Duty Life, I talked with life coach Allison Goldberg, host of Life After Launch, about what really changes when your kids leave home. Spoiler: it’s more than the grocery bill.

You can miss them and enjoy the quiet

Allison described that first night, when you walk past an empty bedroom and know your kid isn’t asleep down the hall. It can feel like grief. You can also be glad they’re out in the world, excited about their life, and relieved you’re no longer coordinating everyone’s schedule.

Those feelings can show up together. They can change from one day to the next, too. Having a good Saturday doesn’t mean you won’t miss them on Sunday.

If you have another kid at home, they’re adjusting as well. Allison’s youngest asked whether she was going to hyperfocus on her now that her older sister had left. Fair question, honestly.

There’s someone else at the dinner table

If you have a partner, you might look across the table and realize it’s been years since the two of you had a conversation that didn’t start with a kid’s schedule.

Allison’s suggestion is to redate each other. That doesn’t require a fancy trip or a standing Friday night reservation. Sit at the bar if you usually get a table. Take a walk after dinner. Try something neither of you knows how to do yet.

And if you’ve always been the couple at the bar? Get a table. Mix it up.

The point is to give yourselves something new to talk about and do together.

Your kid still has a phone. You don’t have to live beside it.

When your kid leaves home, how often should you call? It depends on the two of you, which is why Allison recommends having an actual conversation about it.

Maybe you’d like to hear their voice once a week. Maybe they call you so often you have to let one go to voicemail because you’re having coffee with a friend. You can talk about what you each need, even if they’ve already moved out.

What probably won’t help is sending a casual “How’s it going?” followed by 17 question marks when they don’t answer.

I told Allison that when I went to college, my mom said I had to call every Sunday at 7. More than 30 years later, I still do. We don’t always need a complicated system.

Now, what do you want to do?

This might be the question that catches you off guard. When years of your time have gone toward being needed, “What do you do for fun?” can produce a complete blank stare.

Allison says you don’t need to wake up with a brand-new identity. Pick one small thing to try this week. Meet a friend for coffee and talk about something besides the kids. Read a fiction book because the story sounds good, not because it will teach you a lesson. Try pickleball and be bad at it.

You’re allowed to try something and decide it isn’t for you. No lifelong commitment required. It’s a hobby, not a mortgage.

Allison shared a moment that stuck with me: she was at happy hour with friends when 7 o’clock came around. Her body told her it was time to leave, as it always had when her kids were home. Then she realized nobody was waiting for her.

She could stay.

Maybe your next chapter starts with a moment like that. You miss what used to happen at 7 o’clock, and you’re curious about what could happen now.

Listen to my full conversation with Allison Goldberg on Off Duty Life.

Links
Website: http://www.lifecoachallisongoldberg.com
Instagram: @‌lifecoachally | @‌navigatingthelaunch
Facebook: Life Coach Allison Goldberg | Navigating the Launch
TikTok: @‌lifecoachally The Empty Nest Reset: Rediscovering Your New Normal: An Interactive Workbook on Surviving After College Drop-Off https://link.amazon/B0gijIrKi

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