If you are stuck in life and feel like everything happens to you and you do not know why or you are constantly blaming everyone else but yourself for what happens to you, then you should keep on reading!  Are you actually embracing the responsibility or taking ownership for each and every circumstance that you face in your life, each and every day”  Probably not, trust me when you make that mindset shift your life with dramatically change.

Today I was able to have my dear friend Andrea Johnson on the Fit Girl Magic podcast to talk with us about radical responsibility.  She started as a client, became a dear friend and now we are collaborators!  Andrea brought up Radical Responsibility recently on Instagram and the world literally stopped spinning for like 5 seconds and I said to myself I HAD TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH HER!  ESPECIALLY with all of the shit going on in the world right now!   With COVID-19, there are so many people that we can blame, but it’s time we stood up and owned our own shit, responsibility and role!

Andrea is a marriage and family therapist and she knows all the things and has read all the things in the books, but she KNEW that she still had work to do within herself.  In our life, the work is never done, it is a journey that we are on and the work is constant.  We can literally know all the things, but if we don’t even implement them, then they are not impacting our lives in a positive way.   And that is what responsibility is, implementing what you are learning to go from a place of victimhood to a place where you own your own relationship with yourself, your life and the context of your world.

Taking responsibility is less work than not taking responsibility….

Read that a few times and think about it… because it’s the truth.

One of the biggest roadblocks to responsibility is not knowing the difference between blame and responsibility.  You have to know how to differentiate the two and a lot of people are not comfortable with that.   And that’s a BIG ONE.  It is SOO easy to blame everyone but yourself.  Hell, it is even easier to blame YOURSELF rather than take responsibility for it.  And guess what, self-blame is just as toxic as blaming someone else people!

Blame will come first, but you need to cross over to responsibility, and that is where people get stuck.  They cannot move past it and get stuck on blame, blame blame.  One of the first steps you can take to help you move forward to taking responsibility is differentiating between content and context.  Content is what is happening and what is going on. The facts of life!  Context is how I see the content and the relationship with the content.  Content, coronavirus is a pandemic.  Context is how I am relating to that experience of the content. What is my process, my stories around it and HOW I am handling it’

When people don’t know the difference it all becomes one and they feel like they don’t have control over their own life.  How are you seeing and relating to the content that is going on in your life and accepting that’  So, you have to think about this and check on yourself as to where you are right now’  And it starts with the question, “WHERE AM I’”.

Picture a line and you are either above the line or below the line.  Below the line, means you are reactive, rigid, righteous and you are angry.   Above the line means you are open to your experience, you are present, you are not trying to force yourself into feeling a certain way, you are able to accept the experience and you are MINDFUL right now.  Checking where you are is really important. Are you angry and pissed vs. open and accepting and present”  When you name that feeling, you are accessing a different part of your brain that allows you to start to move past blame.

There is also SELF BLAME that you have to move past as well.  Self-blame around your diet, around your exercise and you make the scale your worth and you make what you eat your worth as well.   Check-in with where your thoughts are going. If you write down your thoughts after dark negative thoughts of self-worth, write them down, look at them, and ask yourself the question, “where am I with this’”.  And do the same as I talked about above, are you above or below the line’  And if you are below the line, you have to ask yourself if you can accept who you are in life at that moment.  Don’t skip this part of acceptance.  A lot of people skip over it but it is the building blocks towards acceptance… can I accept who I am right now’

The 4 Questions…

Someone really amazing to look into is Byron Katie.  She breaks acceptance down into four questions.  These questions are intended to help you get over the bullshit and move you from suffering to freedom in 4 freaking questions!!  (All you need to do is grab a book write down your thoughts and write down these 4 questions and answer them with YES OR NO.)

1. Is it true’
2. Can I know for certain that it’s true’ 
3. How do I react to the thought’ 
4. Who would I be without the thought’

These questions allow you to deregulate your system so that you can move from below the line to above the line.  Where are you and how are you feeling.  When we don’t feel, we bypass our feelings…

The 4 x 4 technique…

There are tons of techniques that you can use to think better, to relate better to other people and have a better relationship with your intuition and your body, so that you can get present and get to know yourself and what is really happening.  Breathwork and active breathing is a way to focus on your breathing so that your body can down-regulate and get out of that triggered place. 

The 4 x 4 Breathing Technique is when you do 4 seconds of inhaling followed by 4 seconds of exhaling and this is done 4 times and drawing attention to the breath each time.  It is super important to make sure you are sitting with those feelings as you breathe.  Close your eyes and breath….

Breathwork is so powerful and is an amazing tool to have in your toolbox when it comes to so many things.  Check out Samantha Skelly who is just magical when it comes to breathing and breathwork if you want to learn more about it.

In order to be emotionally intelligent, you have to be emotionally illiterate.  Some things to do to get there are:

• Name your feelings, not your thoughts!
• I feel that you are not doing what I need you to do, or I feel that this virus is completely taking over the world, I feel that I don’t have the capability to change the way I eat. Those are JUST THOUGHTS!  (THAT is a thought, not a feeling!)
• Know the difference between saying I feel that and WHAT I feel.
• Am I sad’ Am I angry’  Am I scared’  Name that actually feeling because there is NO THAT in this sentence.
• How is this feeling manifesting inside of you’ If you feel sad, where do you feel it in your body’  What is it doing to your body’

If you can unpack these feelings inside of you like a Russian nesting doll, you will be able to truly get to the essence of the feeling.  You have to have a process to unpack everything.  You CANNOT make progress WITHOUT a process!  And it will take time. This does not happen overnight; it cannot happen overnight.  It will take time and patience. 

You taking RESPONSIBILITY is empowering you to make a shift in your life and be responsible for your own healing!  
You guys know TONY ROBBINS is my man…. And he always says, “If you want a better life, you have to ask better questions.”  Guys, If I am constantly wondering why is this happening to me, everyone is after me, BUT I never say to myself, “What can I do to change it’, “What is this teaching me’”, “What is the lesson in all of this’”,  and “What can I do about this’”.   To see a change, you must make a change!

You have to take action and start the process by pulling away from blame and moving to take responsibility and moving past that.  But you have to simply start.  What stops a lot of people from action is that it needs to be this big thing and you know what”  ACTION ISN’T BIG!! It is a series of small steps!  Start where it seems easy.  And be sure to give yourself grace along the way.  It’s about grace and acceptance and doing what you can and knowing that it is enough. 

THAT is radical responsibility. Accepting what it is and knowing you are doing your best.  It’s a gentle process and it is owning your relationship with what is going on in the world around you.  DO NOT feel like you need to jump straight into the deep end.  I repeat…. Radical Responsibility is a gentle process and treat it as such!!

Alright, so like every podcast, I ask my guests what it is that makes them feel magical!!

“Taking responsibility and it really just is that. That empowers me, helps move me from that victim mindset to realizing that this world is a beautiful life and my relationships with others and myself is totally up to me. And that is priceless and magical.” -Andrea Johnson

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/FabFitSquad

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website: https://kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661

the work https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/

book radical responsibility https://amzn.to/3epaIKZ

Daring greatly Brene Brown https://amzn.to/3c9YXGX

IG: andi_ruth

Website: www.friendswoodfamilies.com

Samantha Skelly https://www.samanthaskelly.com/pausejourney

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1. Ask yourself what is the rush. Do you feel if you don’t get it right away you are never going to get there’
2. Where is your focus’ Are you thinking about of the things you don’t have or are you looking forward to where you journey is going to take you. The law of attraction says what you focus expands so why not focus on the good.
3. I am enough. Our inner critic starts talking to us, feeding our thoughts of our worth. You start looking around at everyone who has what you want and say to yourself am I enough. Will I ever get what I need’ You inner critic is right there is say no you aren’t. You need to stay where you are it’s say here. When I start to feel like I’m not enough I go to what I call my highlight reel. I watch motivational YouTube videos and read affirmations. When you get down what will you do’
4. Consistency. Wanna hit your goals, you must take action every single day. Simple actions every day will help build momentum that you can sustain
5. Move your feet! Success will not happen overnight. Many times we think we need to buy a program or follow a guru to get results. That’s not the solution. You need to make a plan and take daily action! You will get there, but it takes time. You are not alone you have support.

You must stay the course on your journey. This is where you have to say to yourself the universe has your back. Trust in yourself know that time will pass and you could pass time working on your goals or sitting around thinking about what you don’t have.
Patience is the real key to success. Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success. Napoleon Hill

The post The Truth About Weight Loss — No One Is An Overnight Success appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

I’m a firm believer that the most important tool to drop the weight and keep it off is your attitude! Without the right attitude it doesn’t matter how great your “diet plan” is you will continue to struggle. Your attitude is what turns a plan into a lifestyle so you can actually get results.

When you wake up every morning you can choose to have a positive and excited attitude full of self-encouragement or you can wake up ready to allow yourself to be defeated. You have a lot of control over your inner dialogue, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

This happens to me too, those moments where negative thoughts sneak into your mind without you realizing it’ That inner voice is so damn loud and so convincing that you begin to think that voice may be on to something so screw it and pass the doughnuts. Sometimes we just need to tell our inner bitch to shut the f&ck up, you got this!!!

Drown out those thoughts and give yourself a new narrative. When I have thoughts like this, I review what I’ve accomplished so far and then I look at my goals. My goals motivate, inspire and on days like this scare the crap out of me, but I know that when I look at the person I used to be I don’t want to ever go back.

Your attitude is everything. The second you allow yourself to think about how you’re going to…
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So, how do you take advantage of the power of positive attitude’ It’s simple. You need to take steps each and every day to gain greater control of your own attitude.

The first step is for any great change is awareness. It’s easy to tell when you’re tired or your feet hurt and you’ll do double tomorrow Each morning set the intention that It’s going to be a healthy day. You are already giving yourself a pep talk, not giving into your inner critic. Then throughout the day take a moment and think about how you feel right then are you living into the intention that you set for the day. Consider how you feel the rest of the day is going to go and your progress towards your goals. Do you feel excited’ Confident’ Or do you feel worried you’re going to fail’ I workout in the morning and it helps me to set the tone for the day, I’ve done something for me and now I can focus on better serving my family and my clients.

Once you know how you feel, practice methods of fostering a positive outlook. Affirmations are very powerful and simple. You create an affirmation using powerful words that remind you of what you’re going to do. You repeat them throughout the day to keep yourself pumped. “I am a powerful woman and I will make healthy choices today.”

My favorite affirmation I use regularly is I am successful in all areas of my life and everyday and…
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This may sound a little woo woo, but I also use visualization. I know two years ago if you told me I’d be visualizing I’d tell you that you were on crack! Visualization is a great tool . Bear with me for a sec, close your eyes and think about your end goal how you will feel and look once you achieve this goal. Are you smiling” The crinkle from between your eyes has gone away’ Think about being able to run outside and play with the kids or run up stairs without being out of breath. Visualize that outfit you want but can’t fit into quite yet and now you are wearing it and strangers are complimenting just have fab and fierce you look. Seriously aren’t you getting excited, like a kid a Christmas!! Get yourself excited. A little bit of enthusiasm will go a long way.

Right now this all feels weird and strange, but after a bit it will become second nature. This isn’t just helpful for weight loss either! It’s helpful for all aspects of your life. I’ve found that once I started cleaning up my mind everything else started to fall into place and the weight DROPPED off!

A positive attitude will help you work towards any goal you have for your life.
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You’ll start to enjoy food more, even though you won’t eat as much.

Take the time to really focus on each and every bite of your food you’ll get to really savor all the yumminess. Eating your favorite foods becomes an even more amazing experience when your focus is on enjoying versus just stuffing your face full of food!

You’ll choose more nourishing food.

Becoming more mindful helps you to learn to listen to your body. Your body will tell you what to eat you will be feeding it for nourishment rather than eating mindlessly. You may find that you are eating more fruits and vegetables for the great natural flavors and textures but you’ll notice that after eating a nutritious meal your body and mind will feel better. Of course you can still have your treats, but they’ll be conscious choices rather than “cheats.”

Kick those unhealthy food relationships to the curb.

It kills me with the listing of “good” and “bad” foods. If you want to be healthy there is this entire section of foods we shouldn’t eat. The “diet mindset” is all about restricting yourself to lose weight and it’s something that leaves you feeling like you’re missing out. It’s funny as soon as someone says you can’t have something you want it more than life itself. Sorry having a ton of “rules” around food is not something you can turn into real lifestyle changes.

Mindful eating isn’t about restricting yourself. It’s not about leaving the table hungry, avoiding carbs, eating in every night, or not eating after a certain hour. It’s about eating when you’re hungry, stopping when you’re not, and taking the time to eat each bite of your food and listening to what your body is telling you.

You can lose weight!

One of the main reasons why folks don’t lose weight that we all fall for these get skinny quick. If we aren’t losing 20 pounds a minute we’re pissed! The diet sucks I give up and we storm off like a 2 year old.

This is a big one for a lot of people. Mastering mindful eating will keep you from most people look into mindful eating because they want to lose weight but don’t want to count calories or deprive themselves of their favorite foods. When you start to eat mindfully losing weight becomes effortless as you’ll stop overeating and snacking mindlessly.

When you eat more slowly and take a break between bites you’ll feel when you’re not hungry rather than just eating until you’re stuffed. One of the best suggestions I can give you is to but down your utensils between every bite.

I am a recovering nibbler. Being more mindful has helped me tremendously. Have you ever made a bowl of popcorn or grabbed a bag of chips before sitting down to watch TV’ It’s full one minute and empty the next! You weren’t thinking about the food as you ate it so you didn’t realize exactly how much you were eating. That’s what mindful eating aims to stop.

The post 4 Reasons Why Mindful Eating is The Weight Loss Secret Ingredient appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

Is your mindset sabotaging your weight loss efforts’ Here are some of the most common ways people are defeated by their own mindset.

1. They have an all or nothing attitude. If you think the only way to lose weight is to restrict what you eat to only the healthiest of foods and spend all of your time exercising, then boy are you wrong. It’s not about strict rules, it’s about balance. You can have tasty treats, but you need to balance them with healthy foods. You can still have pizza but rather than an entire pizza you have a piece of pizza with a lean protein and veggies and a side salad. By restricting yourself you’ll find yourself craving the foods you’re depriving yourself of and next thing you know you are on a bender. Studies have shown the deprivation leads to binging or a chronic obsession with food.
2. They put other people’s needs before their own. Do you ever feel like you’re so busy taking care of other people that you don’t have time to take care of yourself’ You want to eat right but you’re so busy doing things for other people you find yourself eating fast food and other comfort foods’ No matter how hectic your life is, it’s important to take time to take care of your body. Your health is important and it’s worth the time. The best part’ Once you take some time to put together healthier meals and get in some exercise you’ll find you have more energy than ever before to do what needs to get done.
3. Your mind is full of negativity. If you’ve failed at losing weight in the past it can be hard to stay positive. What makes this time different than last time’ Your mindset makes a difference though. If you think you’re going to fail, you’re going to fail. Take control of your inner monologue. Remind yourself that this time is going to be different because you want it and you want it bad. You’re going to make it happen. Push out negativity. Change can only happen when you’re positive it will happen. Do any of these sound like you’ If so it’s time to put an end to the self-destruction. It’s only when you develop a healthy mindset about weight loss that you can start to see real and lasting success!

At this end of this month I will be opening up my Lean and Sexy program. During this program we not only work on your body, but also work on changing your mindset. To get on the waiting list, and be the 1st to hear about it, click here.

The post Is Your Mindset Sabotaging Your Weight Loss’ appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

• do you feel excited
• do you feel like you are stepping onto a large platform about to dive into shark invested waters
• are you one of those folks we are always starting something and not finishing it
• are you someone who says you are going to do it and boom it done!

2 snaps up to you if you are the later. So many of us struggle with getting start and actually finishing. Today is all about how to keep that moving forward. The biggest reason people fail at creating and sticking to new habits is that they don’t keep doing it. That seems obvious: if you don’t keep doing a habit, it won’t really become a habit. So what’s the solution to this obvious problem’ Find a way to keep doing it. When you look at it this way, the key to forming a habit is not how much you do of the habit each day (exercise for 30 minutes, eat 5 meals, etc.), but whether you do it at all. So the key is just getting started. Let me emphasize that: the key to forming a habit is starting each day. What do I mean by starting’ If you want to form the habit of meditation, just park your tushy down in a quiet area each day. If you want to form the habit of running, just lace up your shoes and get out the door. If you want to form the habit of writing, just sit down, you can write it out long hand or type on your computer. Form the habit of starting, and you’ll get good at forming habits.

Easier Said Then Done — How Do You Get Started’

What happens when you wake up and don’t feel like doing yoga or heading to your cycle class’ Let’s first take a look at why you don’t feel like starting. It’s usually for one or both of these reasons:

1. You are comfortable with what you’re doing (doing something online, sleeping, just sitting down =)), and the habit you’d like to start  it’s too hard – aka not comfortable. We cling to the comfortable. We love our comfort zone!!!
2. It’s too difficult to get started — to do the habit, you have to buy stuff or find someone who will help or teach you, or drive 20 minutes to the gym, or go get a bunch of ingredients, etc. — This is when the excuse monster rears its ugly head.

Those are the main two reasons, and really they’re the same thing. So the solution is to make it easier and more comfortable to do the habit, and easier to get started. Some ways to do that:

• Focus on the smallest thing — just getting started. You don’t have to do even 5 minutes — just start. That’s so easy it’s hard to say no.
• Prepare everything you need to get started earlier. So if you need some equipment, get it ready well before you have to start, like the evening before, or in the morning if you have to do it in the afternoon, or at least an hour before. Then when it’s time to start, there is no barrier.
  • I lay out my gym clothes the night before so all I need to do is put them on my body.
  • I make my shopping list on Friday night and head to the grocery store on Saturday afternoon so I have food in the house for the week.
  • I put my workouts in my calendar weekly so I know when I’m working out.
• Make the habit something you can do where you are, instead of having to drive there.
  • Can you buy videos and do workouts at home
  • Can you pull out your ipod and just dance for 20 minutes
  • Can you grab stuff out of your cupboard and make a new recipe’
• If you have to drive or walk somewhere, have someone meet you there. Then you’re less likely to stay home (or at work), and more likely to go — and going there is the same thing as getting started. This works because you’re making it less comfortable to not start — the idea of leaving a friend waiting for you at the gym or park is not a comfortable one.
  • I recently started going to a cycle studio where if I don’t cancel the night before I lose my money.
  • Sign up for personal training sessions
  • Work with a coach on accountability
• Tell people you’re going to do the habit of starting your habit every day for 30 days. Having this kind of accountability motivates you to get started, and makes it less comfortable not to start.
  • This is the main reason why I started this challenge to help you get moving on a goal you may have been putting off.
• Start with the easiest version of the habit, so that it’s easy to start. For example, if you want to form the habit of reading, don’t start with War and Peace, but with the Shopaholic Series or whoever you find fun and easy to read. If you want to start yoga, don’t start with a head to a 90 min power yoga, head to a 60 min to class or find a website that shows you a few salutations.

Make it as easy as possible to start, and hard to not start. Tell yourself that all you have to do is lace up your shoes and get out the door, and you’ll have a hard time saying no. Once you’ve started, you’ll feel good and probably want to continue (though that’s not a necessity). Learn to love that moment of brilliance, and your habit troubles fade like the night.

Today’s assignment

Pick 2 of the starters that you could do to help you get started with one of your goals.

Don’t forget Leave a comment below. Write a facebook post on the Fabulous Fit Squad. If you have a personal blog, write a blog post. Make sure you link back to the site so we can cheer you on and hold you accountable.

Just joining now” Don’t worry you can catch up.
Day 1 — Intro the challenge
Day 2 — Getting your mind straight 
Day 3 — Goal setting 
Day 4 — What’s on your plate
Day 5 — Lift
Day 6 — Cardio
Day 7 — Living on your own terms
Day 8 — Rest day
Day  9 — Forming a habit
Day 10 — Just Breathe
Day 11 — Fat loss secrets revealed
Day 12 — Can you pinch an inch
Day 13 — Dedicated and Focused 
Day 14 — Doubt
Day 15 — Rewards and Consequences
Day 16 — Damn Hormones
Day 17 — Pre and Post Workout Meals
Day 18 — Successful Weight Loss
Day 19 — Know Before You Go
Day 20 — Courage and Strength
Day 21 — You Can’t Out Run A Bad Diet
Day 22 — 10 Days To Go!
Day 23 To Cleanse Or Not Cleanse
Day 24 The Power Of Sleep
Day 25 — What’s Your Why
Day 26 — I’m Stressed

The post {Day 27} The Art Of The Start! appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

Action is the foundational key to all success.
Pablo Picasso

I’m not sure about you, but sometimes we just get stuck in our habits and patterns that we can’t seem to break free! Well. I’m ready to break free. My mission to help women embrace their strength and their power. I feel like I can no longer contain it. It’s time for it to come out!!

Today’s challenge was to come up with 3 tools that will help you stay on track. Here are my three tool:

• Time management — purchased a book that I can track my daily to dos. I’m also finishing reading and immediately begin in-acting The 7 Minute Solution. I will also block time in my schedule DAILY to devote to marketing and promoting my business.

• Meditation —  I need to learn to sit quietly.  I will use my Ipod and set a time for 5 minutes. I have index cards of mantras that I will repeat to help me grow my belief in growing my business and helping my clients achieve their goals. I will continue to read my Daily Book of Positive quotes to help center me and keep my thoughts positive.My affirmation: I confidently go after success!

• Plugging in — I will listen to 3 podcasts/week. This time instead of listening I will take any tips or techniques and find a way to implement them. I will also get back to daily posting on Facebook and Twitter.

Apply yourself. Get all the education you
can, but then, by God, do something.
Don’t just stand there, make it happen.
Lee Iacocca

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