Have you ever replayed something so many times in your head that it practically deserves a second season on Netflix?

The conversation you wish had gone differently.

The decision you’d make differently knowing what you know now.

Or maybe it’s not even something bad.

Maybe you keep thinking about the time when you were thinner, work was easier, the kids were younger, or you felt more like yourself.

Looking back isn’t the problem.

Living there is.

On this week’s episode of Off Duty Life, I talked with Scott Dotson, author of Par for the Soul and founder of Own Your Headspace, about how to learn from the past without letting it take over what comes next.

And Scott said something I haven’t stopped thinking about:

“I don’t want to miss the next opportunity because I’m focused on something that happened long ago.”

Yep.

Because while you’re busy staring in the rearview mirror, your actual life is still happening right in front of you.

Looking Back Isn’t Always About Regret

We tend to think “stuck in the past” means obsessing over some terrible mistake.

Not necessarily.

Sometimes we’re stuck in a time when things were GOOD.

I see this all the time with women in midlife.

“In my 30s, I could…”

“I used to…”

“This always worked for me before…”

Okay. But your life isn’t the same.

You aren’t the same.

Scott pointed out that everything has its time. The person you were 5, 10 or 20 years ago helped create the woman you are today, but you don’t have to keep trying to recreate her life.

You can appreciate who you were without requiring her to tell you who you need to be next.

Stop Reviewing the Damn Footage

This is where Scott’s love of golf becomes a pretty damn good metaphor for life.

You hit a terrible shot.

It lands in the trees.

You can stand there pissed off about how it should have gone.

You can analyze the swing 47 different ways.

You can let that one shot ruin the next 17 holes.

Or…

You can play the ball from where it landed.

Scott calls this the power of NEXT, and it comes down to four things:

1. Accept what happened and own your part in it.
2. Learn from it.
3. Let it go.
4. Focus on the next opportunity.

Not pretend it didn’t happen.

Not slap a positive affirmation on it.

Learn what there is to learn and then take the next shot.

You May Never Get the Closure You Want

We also talked about our obsession with closure.

We want the apology.

The explanation.

The conversation where the other person finally understands exactly why they were wrong and we were right.

Wouldn’t that be tidy?

Unfortunately, other people don’t always cooperate with the ending we wrote for them.

Scott’s question was much simpler:

Is carrying this helping me or not?

Because if your ability to move forward depends on somebody else finally saying or doing the thing you need them to do, you’ve handed them an awful lot of control over your life.

Sometimes moving forward happens without the pretty bow.

Maybe You Need a Chisel, Not a Sledgehammer

Toward the end of our conversation, Scott brought up what he calls the Michelangelo effect.

Michelangelo supposedly described creating David as removing the stone that wasn’t part of the figure.

Scott applies that idea to his own life.

When he notices something about himself, he doesn’t want to carry forward, he tries to chip away at it.

That immediately got my attention.

Because we LOVE a sledgehammer.

New plan.

New routine.

New me.

FIX IT ALL BY MONDAY.

But most meaningful change isn’t nearly that dramatic.

It’s one choice.

One reaction.

One moment where you think:

I don’t want to do it that way anymore.

Then you chip.

And chip.

And chip.

Scott put it perfectly: it’s the hundreds and thousands of small decisions that eventually add up.

So, What’s Next?

Maybe midlife isn’t asking you to figure out the entire rest of your life.

Maybe you don’t need the five-year plan.

Maybe you don’t need to completely reinvent yourself.

And you definitely don’t need to keep trying to become the woman you were 15 years ago.

You can look back.

Take the lesson.

Keep the parts of yourself you still like.

Leave behind some shit you no longer need.

And then ask one much smaller question:

What’s next?

Not forever.

Not the rest of your life.

Just next.

Listen to my full conversation with Scott Dotson on Off Duty Life 

Links

Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic
Tik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@kimbarnesjefferson
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kimjeffersoncoach/

Off Duty Club
https://theoffdutylife.com/odc_sept

website: http://ownyourheadspace.com
instagram: @‌scottdotson67
Facebook: Scott Dotson + Own Your Head Space
book – Par for the Soul available on amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GY7DXRVG

The post How to Let Go of Regret in Midlife — and Make Your Next Move appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

I’m not reading it cover to cover. Not stressing about “staying on track.”

Each morning, I grab my book…
I take a breath…
And I ask myself: What do I need to hear today?

Then I open the book to whatever page pops up. No rules, no agenda—just trusting the process.

Today’s message?

“Each choice I’ve made in the past is exactly the way it should be.“

Whew. That hit.

From there, I grabbed my journal and started writing. Pages poured out about how my “mistakes” weren’t failures… they were signs. Little indicators telling me when I was headed in the wrong direction. And now? I’m choosing to see them as course-correctors. Don’t get me wrong at the time I did beat myself up, but as they say hindsight is 20/20.

Here’s the cool part: I’m working on something new right now—something I’m so freaking excited about. Honestly, more fired up than I’ve been in a long time.

This summer, I’m giving myself space to map it out, bring it to life, and do it in a way that feels fun and aligned (aka no more forcing, no more hustle-for-hustle’s sake).

If you’ve been needing a reset or craving a little clarity—maybe this is your permission slip:
👉 You don’t have to start perfectly.
👉 You don’t have to follow a set plan.
👉 You can trust what you need to hear, today.

P.S. Want to follow along? I’m sharing the journey here + on IG @kimjeffersoncoach or come hang out in my Facebook group! And if you’re diving back into your own mindset work, DM me… I’d love to cheer you on!

The post How I’m Using May Cause Miracles for Daily Journaling Without the Pressure appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

That was the year I first stumbled across this powerhouse named Gabby Bernstein. (You may have heard of her—tiny bit of an icon in the woo-woo world.)

At the time, I was dipping my toes into the whole mindset and manifestation space. And journaling? Yeah, not really my thing… until Gabby’s book May Cause Miracles landed in my lap.

It was a 40-day journaling challenge. Forty days of getting my thoughts on paper. And guess what? I was hooked.

Then she started talking about “the Universe,” and I was like, “Okayyyy, what’s this about?” So naturally, I devoured her next book—The Universe Has Your Back. Spoiler alert: life-changing.

Next thing you know, I’m traveling to NYC to attend her live event—Spirit Junkie Masterclass. (bummer she no longer runs this event). That weekend blew my mind and basically turned me into a full-on believer in journaling and sprinkling a little woo into my life.

From that point forward, journaling became my thing. My daily ritual. My non-negotiable.

…until last year.

I got cute. Decided to “try something new.” Made it too complicated, too rigid. You know what happened? My streak broke. Just like that. I fell off the journaling wagon. ☹️

But here’s the thing: lately, I’ve been feeling the pull. You know that inner nudge that says: “It’s time to get back to what worked.”

So here we are. I’m dusting off May Cause Miracles and going back to basics.

For the next 40 days, I’m blogging my thoughts as I go—real, raw, and totally unfiltered. No complicated rules. No perfectionism. Just me, my journal, and a little woo.

If you’ve been thinking about getting back to your own practices—whether it’s journaling, meditating, or just sitting in stillness—maybe this is your sign.

I’m here for it. And I’m bringing you with me. 🚀

👉 Want to join me? Grab your journal, snag a copy May Cause Miracles if you don’t already have it, and let’s do this together.
Join me in my Facebook group and tell me if you’re in—I’d love to cheer you on!

The post I’m Bringing Back My Woo: How I’m Resetting My Mindset and Daily Journaling Practice appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

Let’s talk stats. Did you know burnout only got a proper definition in 2019?

Yep, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), burnout is now officially “an occupational phenomenon” (because nothing says “I see you, struggling human” like a fancy label).

In fact, it’s so new, it’s not even six years old! The WHO nails down three big burnout markers: energy depletion, cynicism about your work, and reduced professional efficacy. But real talk? Ask anyone who’s ever raised kids, cared for aging parents, or tried to keep a household together if burnout only belongs in the office. They’ll roll their eyes so hard, you’ll hear it.

So, what does burnout look like IRL? Ellyn Schinke, a burnout coach and scientist (she was supposed to be Dr. Ellen, NBD), breaks it down into four types:

Physical Burnout: Exhaustion that sleep can’t fix.

Overwhelm Burnout: Your brain won’t shut off, even when you’re bone-tired (bonus points if you dream about your to-do list).

Emotional Burnout: Feeling unfulfilled, quick to snap, numbing yourself with busyness (or a marathon of reality TV).

Boredom Burnout: Yes, you can burn out simply from not being challenged enough! Raise your hand if you’ve ever checked your phone for the 234th time today.

Now, here’s an eye-opener: burnout isn’t “just” about work. The definition tries to put burnout into a neat little work-shaped box, but that’s like saying you can only get sunburn from lying on a beach. Tell that to a new mom who’s averaging two hours of sleep a night, or to someone juggling work, home, and remembering if they actually fed the dog this morning.

“If I can’t get everything done, I must be failing.”

What if the real problem isn’t that you’re failing, but that you’re expecting yourself to do more than any sane person could accomplish? The fact you’re overwhelmed isn’t a personal shortcoming—it’s a clue that your plate is simply too full (and probably not by choice).

Imagine if we judged Olympic athletes on how well they could run a marathon… while carrying seven bags of groceries and answering work emails. Ridiculous, right? So why do it to ourselves?

Studies show even a tiny change—like an 11-minute daily walk—can have crazy good health benefits. That’s barely one-and-a-half Taylor Swift songs! Also, fun fact: the habits that lead to burnout often start in our teens. Those old “work harder, be the best, don’t screw up” voices? They’re running the show way behind the scenes.

Want to fight back?

Here’s your permission slip:

Write stuff down. Stop giving your brain the impossible task of remembering everything. Your notes app is free, and your brain will thank you.

Emotional processing is your friend. You don’t need a fancy journal. Just dump it all out—pen, keyboard, voice memo, whatever. It’s better out than swirling around your head.

Replace “balance” with “sustainability.” Ellyn says it best: “Balance is bullshit.” Trying to make everything equal is a losing game in our modern world. Aim for a pace you can keep up for the long haul instead of a sprint that leaves you gasping at the finish line.

Self-compassion isn’t weakness. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend after they flop. Would you call them a failure? Nope. You’d help them up, dust them off, and remind them they aren’t alone.

So next time you feel like you’re running toward a brick wall (or whirling on the hamster wheel of “just one more thing”), remember: it’s not you, it’s a system that expects superhuman effort from actual humans. You don’t need to hustle harder or tough it out. You need to rewrite the rules—and maybe take that walk.

Burnout isn’t a badge of honor, it’s a gentle (sometimes not-so-gentle) nudge to do things differently. Ditch the guilt, drop the narrative, and remember: you’re human, not a robot. That’s your real magic.

Ready for more?

Check out Ellyn Shinki’s “Burnout Proof” podcast and snag her free resources. Or, hey, just take a break. You’ve earned it.

What’s one silly, totally non-productive thing you’re going to do for yourself this week? Drop it in the comments—let’s normalize recharging like we do our phones. https://www.coachellyn.com/systems

Let me know if you want more tips, reframes, or fun sneak attacks on burnout beliefs!

Links:

https://www.coachellyn.com/

Burnout proof podcast 

Youtube:
Threads:
Systems Is your business stressing you out
Unsexy Summer Shred https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/unsexysummer/Facebook
Free Resources: https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/freeresources_podcast

Website:  http://www.kimbarnesjefferson.com 

The post How to Reclaim Your Energy, Sanity, and Self-Compassion appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

Intuition Isn’t Woo, It’s Wisdom Your gut instinct is your built-in GPS. But if you were ever told you were “too sensitive,” you may have stopped listening. Isabelle shared how learning to trust her intuition was the spark that changed everything.

“We create a voice that’s not supportive to ourselves because maybe the world around us wasn’t either.”

The Inner Saboteur Isn’t the Enemy Self-sabotage isn’t about failure—it’s about protection. Those “bad habits” may have saved you once. Now? They might be holding you back. Isabelle shows us how to work with our patterns instead of against them.

“I called myself the great escape artist. I avoided feelings my whole life.”

Swap the Word “Restrict” for “Nourish” Want to create lasting change? Stop punishing yourself. Ask instead: Does this feel nourishing? That question alone can change how you eat, move, and show up.

“I use the word ‘nourish’ to reframe everything—my food, my workouts, even my calendar.”

Your Brain Doesn’t Understand “Don’t” Trying to white-knuckle your way out of cravings? Doesn’t work. Telling your brain, “Don’t eat the cookies” only makes it want them more. Isabelle explains why curiosity works better than willpower.

Your 7-Year-Old Self is Still Driving the Bus Many of our go-to habits come from moments that felt small but stuck hard. That one comment, that one experience? Still playing in your head. Isabelle’s Nourish app helps you go back, revisit those moments, and create new stories.

“That pattern isn’t who you are. It’s who you needed to be. Now you get to choose something new.”

Let Your Feelings Be the Scale What if confidence didn’t come from a number? What if how you felt in your body mattered more than how it looked?

“If I feel amazing, why would I let a number on a scale take that away from me?”

The Nourish App: Deep Work, Made Simple Isabelle created the Nourish App to help you:

• Reconnect with your intuition
• Heal emotional eating patterns
• Release childhood stories

Each guided activation is short, powerful, and focused on helping you feel better—not just fix something.

BONUS: Your first month is free!

The next time you find yourself spiraling, skipping workouts, or standing in front of the pantry, ask yourself:

What would feel nourishing right now?

That one shift? Might just change everything.

Screenshot this post or podcast, share your biggest aha moment, and tag us! We want to know: What part of this conversation cracked something open for you?

CONNECT WITH ISABEL: Facebook 
Website https://isabel-chiara.com/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/nourish_isabelchiara/
Nourish app free month https://isabel-chiara.com/podcast-gift/

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook group
Free Resources:
FREE metabolism quiz
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kimjeffersoncoach/
Website:  http://www.kimbarnesjefferson.com 

The post How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself and Start Nourishing Your Whole Life appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

Why your doctor might mean well… but isn’t giving you the full story What it really looks like to stop living on autopilot and start making actual changes If you’ve been stuck in the “try harder” cycle but your body is like, “No ma’am, we’re tired”—this episode is for YOU. Hit play to laugh, think, maybe cry (yep, we go there), and leave with a whole new lens on what it means to get healthy and feel amazing in your skin.

CONNECT WITH JUSTIN:

Tik tok http://tiktok.com/@justinnaultofficial

Check out Clovis + his daily superfood powder: https://iamclovis.com

WANT MORE MAGIC?

Come hang with me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kimjeffersoncoach/

Facebook group Free Resources: https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/freeresources_podcast

Website:  http://www.kimbarnesjefferson.com  Is Your Metabolism Tired? Take my FREE quiz https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/metabolism-makeover-_podcast

And if you loved this episode, be sure to subscribe + leave a 5-star review! It helps more women find the show and ditch the food drama for good.

The post From Punishment to Peace: Rewriting the Rules of Health appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

So first, you have to accept where we are.  Arthur Ashe said, “Start where you are, and do what you can with what you have.” So many of you feel stuck because you feel like the problem is outside of you. “There is something out there and if I just found it, it would fix all our problems.”  Let me break it to you, this may be hard to hear, you are how you are going to fix your own problems, not someone else! You have to accept where you are. You don’t have to look further ahead. You don’t have to look at the past you. You have to live in the here and now!

One of the first things I had to do to get to the level that I am at right now, was pull back from ALL the things I was doing.  I had to say no to things.  I was scheduled for everything. And I could not do it any longer.  And when you do too much, you don’t leave room for the magic.  Or you get caught in this is how my workout has to be… without any exceptions.  I thought I had to do it ALL in or not do it at all. And when I look back it didn’t make sense!  Now my mantra is “SOMETHING is better than NOTHING!” Even if it’s a little walk or a ride on the Peloton!  Start thinking differently and stop feeling powerless that we cannot do all the things. Instead think, how can I accept where I am?

Take a step back.  Observe. Assess. What is working? What is not working?  Am I replaying old chapters in my life?  Gather data! What are you eating? How are you working out? How are you sleeping? What are your hunger levels like? What are your energy levels? Where are the things we need to improve? What are the things we are doing great at?

What does your journey look like? If I don’t like the journey, I won’t last. It isn’t going to work if you say “just tell me what to eat and I’ll eat it or do it.” You won’t do it!  Stop and take a look at… What is your life like? Then we can create your REPS. A realistic plan, one you are excited about!  A plan that is around your life and sustainability, that way you can do it for life!

Many of us have fears about doing something different. It is in our mindset, and you have internal conflicts. You will remain stuck… You let your internal conflicts do this!  It’s your internal conflicts that are keeping you stuck! This is where you have to give ourselves grace. And I know, the first few steps are going to feel awkward. And for many of you will find those first few steps are scary! But those few steps are called grace… Giving yourself and space to take the journey. You have to take that space and you deserve that space because you have to understand you will be safe on the other side.

When we are trying on different diet styles, and eating different foods, you are not married to one particular thing, you are testing it out to build the trust and certainty inside of yourself. And then you can start making those other decisions. What do you desire? What do you want? Where do you want to go? What do you need?

If the desire is what you want… What is what you need??  What are the steps you need to take to get to where you want to go? And again, don’t forget to give yourself grace!  If you have a long way to go, it isn’t going to happen overnight. So, give yourself time and grace.  What are your duties and obligations? How can you work this into your life so we don’t work our lives around it?

Fear… You have to get rid of the FEAR.. You are afraid it isn’t going to work.  Especially if you are in your 40s & 50s, you have been doing the same thing over and over again. I know first-hand that trying something new can be different and it can be hard.  But you will never know if you do not try!

Expectations. You put so much pressure on yourself that it has to look a certain way. It has to be a certain Or it just will not BE!  So, let’s pull back on that pressure.  Can you learn to take it one day at a time? Can you set a 90-day goal, then break it down into 30-day goals?  Then step back and assess after 2 weeks, then 30 days, etc.  Everyone suck at doing all the things, sorry, you aren’t that special snowflake, and neither am I. So, please stop doing that!

Let’s say your food sucks…Instead of trying to do it all at once, pick 1 meal a day and focus on that meal.  Get that meal firing on all cylinders before moving on to the next… Whether it be lunch, dinner, breakfast, pick one to start with.

Inner work.  Inner work isn’t sexy… But you have to do it. It’s challenging for some!  For me, the inner work is what allowed me to crack open and break out of the “I must do it this way” I had a very rigid mindset.  I always equate this process to GPS.  If I take this exit and it gets me there 5 minutes faster than I am going that way!  And I want you to start to get there because that rigid mindset is either going to slow your progression to your goal, or just keep you spinning around like a merry-go-round!

This inner work was the only way I could get to the point where I am today because I had to get past my old stories. I had to stop having a pity party and thinking of old stuff.  I had to change something; my body didn’t want to do these workouts anymore. (Another clue I had to change what I was doing.) Taking this step right here is hard because you don’t want to slow down, but I had to slow down, look at my life and my body and see that all the stuff I was doing was not getting me to where I wanted to go. This helped me stop repeating the same mistakes.

This was my identity for a long time. – I was a gym rat! – I still love the gym, but I finally learned to develop a life outside the gym so that my life doesn’t revolve around health and fitness.  Yes, this is my business, but it’s my calling to help you understand this. You can get healthy without your life being ONLY health and fitness.  Our identity also tells us our beliefs about ourselves!  I was a winger, and this made me resist making a plan. We think we can’t track our food; we think we can’t plan out our workouts. But we can!

We want to craft our vision. What do you want? Instead of Diet X tells me A, B, C.. What do you actually want? No, you cannot have Oreos and ice cream every day… However, what do you want? That way you can stop doing, doing and actually map it out.  This will help things look different!  You want it to be different from what you did 8 years ago.  Yes, it will feel overwhelming, but when you have a strategy, you are no longer winging it! You are able to know what is going on, what you are doing, and collect data.

Give yourself permission to be different and test things out.  Your ultimate success and how you get UNSTUCK is that you find things that are realistic so that you have these great choices that work for your life. You are clear about where it is you want to go. You are excited and connected to your why! Your why is your motivation. And you are excited about being creative about the approach you are going to take for this. Then we create a plan to give us the courage to move forward!  When we get to the point we are within that sustainability.

That is the Fit Girl Magic formula! That is great habits lead to routines, those routines lead to consistency and ultimately that gives us those long-lasting results!  And that my friend’s is how we get UNSTUCK!!

LINKS

Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/kimbarnesjeffersoncoach

Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website:
https://kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661

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Dr. Jessica Hehmeyer is the physician founder of Well Empowered where she practices data-driven, outcome-oriented Functional Medicine. She created Well Empowered with one commitment in mind: “Guiding you to create the health and vitality that transforms your experience of life and alters what is possible for you.”

Dr Jessica clients people who are learners, she creates a partnership with them so  that they have a say on how their health goes.  There is only so much your doctor can do for you, you have to take that ball and run with it!  We are not washing machines, we cannot be fixed. We have to work on ourselves over time.

A lot of us fall into this all or nothing because you feel you can be fixed, and in order to be fixed you have a list and it has to be all done now, or it’s nothing and clearly, there will not be any results.  The whole perspective is that it’s either all in or all out. Deprivation or overindulgence. That is the paradigm of all or nothing. And the commonality of both of those is self-aggression.

When people are in this broken all-or-nothing approach, they get that AHA moment, they are like, “Okay I am done with it, I am so over it. And they are ready to embark on a journey of mastering their middle ground. And the starting point is self-love. We start by getting them in touch with their intention for their health and their life.  Inviting people to really step into telling a story of where they want their health to be and start to get comfortable with where they want to be.  Queuing into your intention.  Diminish the noise of whether this is good or bad (which is all bull anyways! )

“I am so passionate about guiding women in particular in their journey to create a relationship where they feel good in their bodies based on peace, empowerment, and love. Not only for themselves, but so they can gift it to their children.” – Dr. Jessica Hehymeyer  Back in the day we witnessed  people in families, struggling with their weight, or telling stories of the latest diet they were on. Worst yet, families would recommend that children or teens also do this diet because they could lose a few. Nowadays we don’t say that to our kids, but that was how some of us grew up. Back then they don’t know any better.

You said something I feel like people are like okay I get this… For a lot of people, even if they are clear in their intentions, it’s the COURAGE to do SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
Supporting people in new ways to self-soothe and self-nurture. When people turn to food, they come from a place of wisdom of wanting to feel better, they are human. But their temporary solution will interfere with their long-term commitment in a really big way.  And you do this by helping people resource new ways of taking care of themselves that feel great, but also will support them in their intended future.

Look at it as playing your BEST game vs your PERFECT game will help you go far. Being on that journey continually instead of just saying no, do less of something like eating less sugar week by week.  The courage isn’t saying, “No more orange Frappuccino’s with all this sugar.” The courage is okay, we know the Frappuccino isn’t the key to health, so where would you feel comfortable starting? Moving down to a smaller size to consume less sugar. You don’t have to go cold turkey to black coffee right away, walk instead of run. Be compassionate with your  humanity because when you are up to something big and working on mastering this area of our life, which is big, it takes time to master areas of your life. And yes your life is totally masterable! But knowing that you may fall down and it is okay!  But guess what…. you get back up!

So many of us plan for the perfect day, and if we don’t have that perfect we are like okay see, it’s not going to work or happen.  Planning for the perfect is great, but let me know when that happens because it will NEVER happen! Always have to have a plan B because shit always happens.  And the same shit always seems to happen! We have to have a route or a detour.

One of the reasons why we get into this all-or-nothing mindset is because we have self-aggression.
I feel that we get into this mindset because maybe there are things we cannot control and the aspect of control. Yes, we want to look our best, but people don’t have a really good model for how to get there and how to make those shifts.  What they have been dealt with is the diet books on the shelf.  When people step into that diet mentality, they are either all in or all out. On the diet or off the diet. People are just geared up to make these big drastic shifts. We don’t always need to make these drastic shifts, but to get new outcomes you have to take new actions!

When actions come from a place of self-love, they are typically sustainable. When actions come from a place of self-aggression, they are not sustainable and they are not going to get you the outcomes you are committed to. Deprivation isn’t sustainable. And we know that overindulgence isn’t going to get people the outcomes they are looking for either!

Instead of having that immediate feeling of bad or good, I must go down this rabbit hole, for many of us, have that feeling and then just pause at that time. You will gain the foresight to say something is going on here.  I can either continue down the path I am going or figure my shit out.

The pace of life is put up as the end all be all for everybody. For most people, it’s not really workable. It’s not a recipe for joy.  We need to pause.  We need to pause daily.  Pause to say what is working, what is working for my life. The end all be all, isn’t it?
Is this really how I want my life to go? Do I want my legacy to be that I went really fast and was really busy?

What is one thing that makes you feel magical?
Using my body in nature! I adore being outside in lovely weather and using my body. I adore hiking. So hiking makes me feel magical! We live in Switzerland and the mountains bring me to tears! Using my body in that kind of beauty is awesome!

LINKS

Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/kimbarnesjeffersoncoach

Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website:
https://kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661

Cracking The Belly Fat Code MASTERCLASS:
https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/crackingbfc_fall22/

Dr. Jessica Hehmeyer Website Well Empowered (Free 30-minute Consultation):
www.wellempowered.com

Well Empowered Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/wellempowered/

Well Empowered Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/YouWellEmpowered/

The post Are You Ready To Beat Your All Or Nothing Mindset? appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

Dr. Tamara Beckford is a wife, mom, and emergency physician. She is the CEO of UR Caring Docs and the UR Caring Society, where she helps busy professional women put their health and wellness first without guilt.

During the pandemic, there were a lot of things that were brought to life for Dr Beckford.  Like, what is important and what is just not that important. She started to look around and realize she was more than surviving she was thriving. There were so many people burnt out around her, they had tons of guilt and so many other things!  At the time medical director mentioned to her that she looked like, she was much better than others on the staff. It got her thinking, what was she doing differently? One of the things she started to do was work on SELF. In the moment she hadn’t reflected that she was working on herself, her mind, and her time. And during that time, it actually became one of the happiest moments in her life, which felt super weird to her!

“Emotionally I was so happy. So, what was it that I did? I was taking care of ME! I had to take care of myself in order for all the other duties in my life to fall into place.”

I am not only an ER physician, but I am also a mother and I wear many hats. My body said, we are going to get through this, but we are not going to break. We are going to build! You are going to need to work from the inside out, not only resilience for now, but for the future.  You aren’t going to just bust it out, it requires working one step at a time. Now I can look back and pat myself on the back and say, “WOW I did this by working from the inside out!”

I started to align my mind, body, and spirit. And that right there is self-care!  I started this by blocking out a lot of the access noise.  In order for me to keep caring about my patients, when I left for home, I didn’t let myself get bombarded with things and left those things at work.  I left work at work and let my home be an area of peace and recharge!  I was practicing what I was preaching.  As simple as that is, that can be your first step for anyone reading this!

When you take an inventory of your life and daily life, what is the excess baggage that you are bringing home that you really don’t need to bring home? When you step through that door, what is it that you want that home to feel?  This is not to ignore your emotions and what goes on, and yes, we all need somewhere to talk and discuss, but HOW MUCH? What percentage of this? And what percentage of your time are you spending on this? What is the difference between the environment at work and at home? Where is your level of zen? What is your level of clarity? Where can you get clarity? Where is it if you bring everything consistently home?

The point of me and my self-care isn’t to say, “Oh, I set boundaries. It’s for me to show up better.” When I am showing up better, it’s because I worked on myself and built myself up.  I no longer have guilt for taking time off to take an extra 30 minutes to do something so I can build myself up and show up for my best self.

“I don’t have time…” This is something that I hear a lot.  So, I challenge you to take inventory of your damn time.  Get out of squirrel land, put down your phones and write down what you are doing every 30 minutes. This doesn’t have to be fancy, just so that you are aware how you are spending your time. Where can you free up time? Where are you wasting time?  If someone says they are busy, you can find that time. Trust me!

This is a big one, a place where we could free up a little time to reach our goals. And that has to do with sleeping or sleeping past your snooze. And I like to call this Mind over Mattress! If you really think about it, what is it that we love to do? It’s sleeping! We sleep on our mattresses!  This extra time we are snoozing and lying down, just snuggling all warm. To get up and get going is so challenging.  But there are things we know we need to get done in order to fulfill the goals we have set for that day, week, or month.  You see a lot of books on leadership and achieving your goals, and many of they say getup when the alarm goes off or before the alarm goes off.

Having a wake-up routine!
This is where I have incorporated the mind of the mattress. The alarm goes off, and I get up and go! That extra time we have all circles back to providing your more time or that extra time you needed for yourself.  The extra 30 minutes is my time to myself.  I do the routine that helps to power me for the day.  I want to enter into my day. I don’t want my day to enter into me.  Mel Robbins recommends moving the phone or alarm to the other side of the room, so you have to get up. ( Or look into her 54321 get-up concept.)

Get up and get out to get things done!

Ladies, there is no ideal scenario here when it comes to doing something for yourself. It’s individualized.  That is why it’s called self care. Can you create something within your family that allows you to have a set amount of time and space for you? Take the time out to work on your mind!  Our minds can either build us or break us!  We are humans, we are flawed by nature, and we learn from whatever mistakes we have made. We course correct and move on. We cannot wallow in those mistakes. Loving our bodies and thanking our bodies are so important. As we go through all these phases in life it’s so important.  We are trying to be healthy, and it’s so amazing whether we do self care or work out. It is getting us closer to loving ourselves more than ever before!

Broken down into the 5 B’s to help us work on ourselves. These 5 B’s are additional building blocks to really find the essence of you to get to that space where you can be at your best for yourself and those around you.
1. We need to give up our Busy Badges.
2. We need to figure out if what we are doing is breaking us or building us.
3. Then we have to start to build resilience around our boundaries.
4. Being okay that we are setting those boundaries.
5. Blocking out the access noise.

You have to regularly give yourself grace.
You didn’t arrive at the mind over mattress. You were like, “How do I jumpstart my day and stop these snoozes?” This isn’t something that comes naturally to you. This was 2 years in the making.  As with every habit you build, it takes that 1% change at a time and it accumulates. Then it turns into a part of who you are.  I start with these small techniques from what others are doing. I look at what they are doing, see what speaks to me from that, tweak it for me and work on what I can do right now.  Take that laundry list of things and what feels drawn to you. What is challenging BUT doable?

Choose to own your shit.
If you say, you know that I am a night owl and I like to stay up, you can’t complain about why you can’t get up in the morning.  You have to OWN why you cannot.  If you have a characteristic that you would like to change, and you are not ready, then you are not ready and that is okay!  Acknowledge it!  It’s not that you can’t do something, it’s that you choose not to. So just own that and be okay with it!

Example..
If you are trying to wake up earlier, start with 15-minute increments. I didn’t muscle myself to mind over the mattress overnight. It was a small drip every single day.  If there were days when my mind didn’t want to do it, our minds wouldn’t want to change! So, when you are trying to incorporate change and understand how the mind works, you will understand why it feels so challenging in the beginning.  When you try to incorporate those changes, your mind will start to change and become less challenging!

It’s not going to be a smooth process. You will have setbacks. But just be sure that you are owning those setbacks.  Be like a CSI – what happened? So that way you know what the obstacle is.  You will know what you need to do to work around that obstacle!   The goal is to train yourself to get up WITH that alarm. You know that you have chosen at that time to accomplish those goals you set.  That is your promise to yourself so that you can get those goals accomplished.

Dr. Tamara Beckford is so relatable and all that she does is so doable, you can find what gives you your zen! If you live that busy badge life, what are some of the ways that you can bring a little bit of this so we can have our zen time? Even if it takes 15 minutes or a car ride home. How do we create that resilience that we need?

What makes you feel magical?
I think my magic comes from within and being able to give throughout. My magic is inside and one of my zen that I recognize is that I have this really nice ability for people to feel at ease very quickly. With that, I am able to motivate others because I am able to hit them at the core. This is a beautiful gift that I did not realize that I had until I tracked it with another retrospective analysis of my life, and this is probably why I do ER medicine as my practice. You come to the ER nervous, anxious, and angry and as an ER doctor, I have to get into the essence of you and connect with you in a very short period of time and bring you ease. I recognize that is my magic and that is what makes me spark!

LINKS

Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/kimbarnesjeffersoncoach

Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website:
https://kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661

Alcohol Guide:
https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/alcohol-resource-guide_organic/

Dr. Tamara Beckford Website:
www.urcaringdocs.com

Life Balance Through Selfcare Program:
https://www.urcaringdocs.com/offers/rRfQoodt/checkout

Dr. Tamara Beckford Show:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-tamara-beckford-show/id1553710706

Dr. Tamara Beckford YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/URCaringDocs

Dr. Tamara Beckford Twitter:
https://twitter.com/URcaringdocs

Dr. Tamara Beckford Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/urcaringdocs/

Dr. Tamara Beckford Personal Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/drtamarabeckford

Dr. Tamara Beckford UrCaringDocs Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/URcaringdocs

Dr. Tamara Beckford LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtamarabeckford/

Mel Robbins 5-Second Rule:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI2VQ-ZsNr0&feature=youtu.be

Mel Robbins 5-Second Rule Book:
https://amzn.to/3xn6Ztx

The post Are You Ready To Give Up The Busy Badge? appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.

The diet industry causes us to have a fixed mindset.  If you want to go deeper there is a book called Mindset by Carol Dweck. This is the holy grail of mindset books. And in this book, she took the mindset out of the clinical space and brought it into the mainstream space!  She describes that there is a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, and I believe the diet industry has caused us to have a fixed mindset!

With a fixed mindset, you believe that things in your life are the way they are, you can lose the weight or not.  So many of us feel that if we have failed at a diet, it is clearly me! If someone else has success, it’s because they are lucky, they have better genes than you do… I have been there, I have been caught in that fixed mindset and it wasn’t until I took a deeper dive into my mindset did I realize how fixed my mindset was when it came to diet and exercise.

And I needed to change that.

This podcast came up because I started a new program called Metabolic Recharge and was having a conversation with the members.  I love starting new programs because I get a lot of great questions and topics to talk about on the podcast!  And this made me start to think about why people are NOT able to move forward. What keeps them in this box. What kept me in that same box? So here are the 4 Mindsets that I truly believe are keeping women stuck.

1)    Rigidity: Telling yourself this is the way it has to be in order to get results, these are the rules that I must follow.
2)    Resistance: I did this, and it worked, so I should keep going back to this even if it doesn’t’ work in the long term. Resistance to a change.
3)    Respect: Not respecting how long the process takes or giving. Not giving yourself boundaries around your time.
4)    Release: Giving yourself some grace. Allowing yourself to fail and see it more as a learning that a permanent flaw.
So, let’s dive deeper into each one, shall we!

Rigidity
This is you telling yourself it has to be hard. It is the only way to get results, and this is the way it has to be.  I must struggle.  I must give up certain foods.  There are a lot of rules you have created or feel that you must follow to get your results. These rules also come with a lot of self-imposed structure as well.  So… To break free of this…
Ask yourself, what are you trying to achieve?  What are you actually chasing?  What is that goal? Can you create a range?

Resistance.
These are chronic dieters!  Not pointing fingers because I too, was a chronic dieter, so I know what it is like!  You tell yourself, this is the way it has to be, all or nothing.  Your workouts have to look a certain way, a certain duration, and there has to be a certain amount of exercise in my workouts. You must eat 5 meals a day and I can’t have starch and good fats together!  Even though the plans aren’t following isn’t working you feel that since you’ve had success in the past you must continue to follow. Resistance and rigidity are very much linked together.

You are nervous because you know that it worked in the past, but there is no guarantee it is going to work for us in the future!  Let’s be honest with each other, here is a REASON why you stopped that diet in the past… Right????  So, find your sweet spot and show up for what’s up. This will mean experimenting with your workouts, nutrition etc.

This summer I am doing a 66-day experiment to help you try several things.  You’re your opportunity to change things up, see what happens.  Experiment with something new. Give it a shot and if it doesn’t work after 66 days then go back to what you were doing. And I know there may be hesitation but what is it going to hurt?  You may become consistent and see changes?? Consistency is boring, I get it. But that is BECAUSE IT WORKS!!  Do you have friction? Am I adding more steps that will cause me not to do it?

Respect.
You need to respect for your body. You need to respect our time. That means you NEED to create boundaries.I know for a lot of women this is a very challenging thing. So, you have to go with our gut.  If your gut doesn’t feel right with a nutrition and workout plan, then it may not be for you.

Set my boundaries and say to myself, this is what I am going to stick with. These are my non-negotiables; these are the things health-wise I know I can do day in and day out.  Pick non-negotiables that MAKE YOUR LIFE HAPPY!  If it slows down your results a little, so be it!  If it makes you happy, don’t sweat it!  Do you have boundaries around those things so we can get ourselves off that diet hamster wheel?

Release.
You need to start to release the rules!  Think of ourselves as quality vs duration.  Look at the quality of a workout vs the duration of the workout.  Remove the friction and you always have a choice. Get into the Good, Better, Best mentality.  What is a good outcome for you? What is a better outcome and what is the best outcome for you?
–        Example workouts for me:
–        A Good week, 3 workouts in a week.
–        A Better week, 4 workouts in a week.
–        Best week, 5 workouts in a week.
9 times out of 10, I can get 5 workouts in but sometimes life happens, and I can’t get that in in a week. And with this mindset and mentality, I am OKAY WITH THAT!  Stop getting caught up in the harder is better and the struggle is real!  It doesn’t have to be this way, because this way leads to burnout.

If you’re feeling stuck, go back through and see where you are stuck. Are you feeling like you have to be so rigid you have to follow these rules?  Are you resistant to changing things up? Are you not respecting your body, time, and pace you are able to go at this moment in time? Do you need to start to release and let go of some of these things?

How do we go about changing this? Ladies, change is possible.  But you have to make peace with our pace people!!  In my Stress Free Summer, I have 3 levels, what pace are you going to be able to stick with?

You have to start telling yourself a different story.  Stop telling yourself you have to get there fast.  The weight didn’t come on fast so it’s not going to come off fast!! What is coming up for you when you hear this?  Be open to exploring different things and learning from our mistakes.

Mel Robbins who came up with the 5-second rule.   And she says, give yourself 5 seconds to do something.  She gave herself 5 seconds to get out of bed to work out and would countdown from 5 to get up.  How can you start giving yourself that 5-second rule when we start to make these shifts?

Set smaller goals.  So many people want to lose 30 pounds in 30 days, and I say I am not the girl for you! 30 pounds in 90 days, not the girl for you.  30 pounds in 6 months… ok! I am leaning in! I can help you at that pace, because I know that weight is NOT coming back on!.  Together we work at a pace that is sustainable and realistic.  You learn to work at a pace that you will continue to be excited about and can make a plan for the rest of your life.  Here is where you commit to learning.  How to go through the motions and fall in love with the process. Because if it sucks you will not want to do it!!

Learn from our failures.  I am a reflective coach and I always ask how the week went and my clients and that is when it tends to get really black and white.  So, let’s expand and learn from our mistakes.   Let’s see how things went and investigate what went well and what didn’t. This is so that you can make modifications. If you keep doing the same crap over and over again, you will get the same results!!! NOTHING will change.  Really start thinking about making assessments. Assessing isn’t wallowing. Assessing is looking at what happens when you do certain things.  It helps you to make better, more informed decisions about you.  Investigate than modify!!

Structured Flexibility.  These rules and boxes keep us so contained that it’s really hard to break free from them.  That is why I created the non-negotiables and if I can do these 3 things every day I am on the right path!  You can learn from your failures once you start to assess, investigate and modify with your structured flexibility and this is where your non-negotiables come in big time with your health and weight.  Once you do this, you can start to create these basic templates and shift them based on what is going on in our lives.

This is not about being perfect, because being perfect suckkssss!!! We all have fatal flaws and life will always come out at us.  But I absolutely love seeing the mindset shift my clients get while working with me.  It is ok to have the hot fudge sundae and say tomorrow is a new day!  Do you have a fixed mindset when it comes to diets? And where are you in that fixed mindset?

I have given you the 4 mindsets of a desperate dieter.
1. Rigid. This is how it has to be in order for me to get results.
2. Resistance. Even though it’s not working, you still want to freaking do it.
3. Respect. Respect for where you are. What is your pace, and how much time do you have?
4. Release. Release that it is going to take time. Release that I have to set some boundaries and I have to give myself some breaks.

We all want to have that day… but how do we keep that day from snowballing!? How do we keep that day from just blowing up in our faces? How do we adjust our mindsets to prevent this?  To prevent giving up on ourselves.  To help us move forward with doing something we love and loving our bodies in return!

LINKS

Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/kimbarnesjeffersoncoach

Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fitgirlmagic/

Website:
https://kimbarnesjefferson.com/

Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fit-girl-magic-healthy-living-for-women-over-40/id1476883661

Mel Robbins – 5 Second Rule:
Mel Robbins: 5 Second Rule

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success By Carol Dweck

Guilt-Free Summer Fitness Guide: How To Enjoy Summer AND Your fitness goals
https://www.fitgirlmagic.com/gfsummer_2022/

The post  Are you ready to break up with your diet mindset? appeared first on Kim Barnes Jefferson.