Alright, if you are a mommy you better listen in real close right now! Because I am about to drop some knowledge on you that you are going to want to hear! There is sooo much more to self-care than getting mani’s and pedi’s and my recent guest, Deanna Schober lets us in a little secret about what we all really need to know when it comes to self-care.
Deanna is the founder of Elevate Moms Lifestyle Design, a mom of 4, and she helps teach other moms the mindset of practical and powerful self-care so that they can stop surviving their days and start thriving instead. She has tons of amazing info, and I love how she is trying to start of movement of helping women to break free of feeling like they must be the “do it all” Mom.
I was so excited to have had to chance to sit down and talk with her, because so many of my magic makers are MOMMAS!! You are trying to do it all AND trying to be the perfect mom, you are tired and run down and feeling like plan crap every single day! Deanna wants to make sure that moms everywhere are taking better care of themselves, and it starts with self-care! She wants you to know that self-care doesn’t have COST YOU A CENT! And it can be done right at home, here is where she challenges you to broaden your definition of what self-care really is.
When you got pregnant what did you do’ You read all the mommy blogs, got all the books and we think that motherhood should be hard, that motherhood should be self-sacrifice and that YOU should suffer. And a lot of women don’t even realize that we have been indoctrinated into that feeling. You want to be everything for your kids, their spiritual lifeline, their best friend, entertain them all day, and it is just not humanly possible. Yet you feel guilty if you don’t live up to this’ I will tell you why, because the expectations we have given ourselves and adopted are unreasonable!
Look at past generations before us, mothers did not do what mother’s do today…. Hell, half of them didn’t even see their kids for the entire day because they were out and about. Most of them were not emotionally attached to their kids, they did not play with their kids and didn’t give a flying fig if we sat in front of the TV all day long! But then, moms became the complete opposite of that. Women became programmed that we need to be everything for everyone, and it is taking an emotional toll on moms everywhere. Fortunately, we are starting to see a shift in the opposite direction and that is where Deanna wants to take the revolution, to smack dab in the middle of those two ends of the parenting spectrum!
Moms CAN be close to their kids and have amazing relationships with them, but also cannot be everything for them.
They need to teach them how to be emotionally resilient and emotionally independent. They need to teach them how to do things on their own and how to be more independent. What we really need is a good emotional relationship with our kids but fostering independence with them at the same time. And it can be done! And by doing this it is going to save your ass from feeling emotionally burnt out every single day of the week!
Alright, so you are reading this and you are burnt the fuck out and you literally see yourself smoking, you are a shell of a human being and you don’t even know where YOU are anymore. What do you do’ Where do you start when you have finally reached this point”’
What Deanna first does with her clients is, she has them declare that “I AM WORTH IT, and I am not going to settle for less than I deserve right now”. But some don’t go right here because it goes against everything that they were taught.
She shows them a wider angle… “Would you want your child to feel the way you are feeling right now when they grow up’”. No, because we don’t want this for them right!’
Then, she teaches them how to be a whole healthy human being again. “Allow yourself to be a whole human being and take care of yourself in the same way you would take care of your children.”
Now, what if you are one of those people who are reading this right now, or you listened to the podcast and you are wondering if you are giving too much’ Think of it as the Pinterest Parent, or the Pinterest Fail Parent. If being the Pinterest parent makes you feel good’ Then you’re ok! But if it makes you feel exhausted, resentful and burnt out, then that is your sign. Am I feeling resentful at all’ Energetically, do I feel uplifted and empowered and good, or does it make me feel burnt out, resentful and angry when I am doing these things’ So, take some time and really think about this… which one are you’
With this quarantine we are in right now, the resentment you have been feeling could totally be bubbling up because we are together 24/7 with our kids and every feeling you have ever felt is just coming to a head… And everything we were feeling brought smack into the spotlight. You are feeling more overwhelmed than ever because you are now in the role of mom, spouse, caretaker, and teacher! So, this can be a great opportunity to make some changes right now, or it can be bringing up that you have been making the right decisions and reaffirm that you are in a good place or a bad place right now. PLUS, being home during this time, self-care is more important than ever in taking care of you and the resentment that you are feeling.
Self-care is caring about YOU and caring about YOUR EMOTIONS! And it can be random, and it can be different every single day. It is really about asking yourself, and WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW, at that very moment to be rejuvenated. Does it mean going in the shower or your closet and just crying’ [Crying and letting yourself get through it as a release is something you need. It’s a valid tool we take for granted. It’s our body releasing stress and it’s ok to have a bad day and be emotional! You need to show your kids that we can have a bad day too just as they can.] Does it mean you take a 20-minute walk alone to be away from everything and to regroup’ Does it mean passing the torch off to your partner so that you can be alone for a few minutes’ Or meditating in a quiet place like your closet in the dark for 5-10 minutes.
Self-care is overall a WAY OF THINKING and 90% of what you will be doing will be in your head and won’t take any time. Just a perspective shift, and the way you talk to yourself and treat yourself. Self-care mindset is about being gracious with yourself, being self-compassionate and respecting yourself and your body. You NEED to give yourself grace, and it is more important now than it has ever been!
Another important part about taking care of yourself and creating the right mindset is making sure that you really tune into your feelings rather than bypassing them when they come up. It’s okay to be mad at your kids, and it’s OKAY for your kids to be mad at you! Let me say that again, IT IS OKAY FOR YOUR KIDS TO BE MAD AT YOU! Moms have such a hard time with their kids being mad at them but need to get comfortable with it and know it’s for their greater good! Just remember to always talk to them with respect, and instead of talking at them, really have conversations with them and get them into the thinking process of what we are going through.
Just acknowledge whether you are feeling mad or sad, name it and get it out. DO NOT JUDGE YOUR FEELINGS!! If you are pissed off at being a mom right now, then feel pissed off! No shame, it is okay to say that you hate being a mom today or saying it’s too hard I can’t handle it. It’s okay to have those feelings, they do not need to be right or wrong. There are just there, and they need to be acknowledged so you can move through it. NO ONE can judge you for that and you cannot judge yourself for feeling that way! Feelings are a part of us, and we are allowed to feel any way that we want! But just remember that this feeling will pass!!
If you are feeling overwhelmed and resentful and you know that your typical self-care routine is not cutting it and really helping you to be the mommy you want to be than reach out to Deanna. Self-care is an art form! It is about finding creative ways to do things more efficiently and a better way that makes you feel better.. It is about saying it’s okay and giving yourself grace through the entire process!
PLEASE go and follow Deanna if you are a mom and feeling burnt out! She has simple stuff and you know me; I love simple! I don’t have time for complicated and neither do you!
If you could have one magical power what would it be’
Deanna: I would love to be psychic! I totally believe in life beyond us. I just wish I could tune into my psychic intuition. Really into all that super woo woo stuff! And wish it could be my superpower that I tune in to all of that!
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